Let me reiterate: It doesn’t matter. Play the game to see how it scores on your own personal pointless scale; that’s the only way to really know.

One gamer, of the “BadAss” variety, claims that he has played it(although he doesn’t really indicate any proof, but there’s so much review code out there, it’s hard not to just assume), and, apparently, he thinks it’s bigger than Jesus. Unfortunately, his opinion doesn’t gel with IGN’s, so he’s seen fit to refute theirs.

. . . it seems like some reviewers believe it is their job to review a product based on what it doesn’t have, now I have never quite understood this logic, killzone 2 is getting scored down for lacking a co-op mode, sure that would have been a great addition, but the fact is it isn’t part of the game, therefore reviewers should not take points away for the lack of the feature, to further my point take a look at the reviews of Call of Duty 4, a great shooter in many ways, with an addicting multiplayer mode, the game did not have co-op, I repeat it did not have a co-op feature, yet it was barely mentioned in reviews, and even in reviews were it was brought up, points were usually not deducted.  This is not the same with Killzone 2. If this applies to Killzone 2 then every shooter hence forth had better include a co-op mode, or we should expect the same to happen.

I suppose I can understand his distaste for knocking a game for not having a feature I personally don’t care for, but almost every major first person shooter that came out (even Haze) had a co-op to accompany the the single-player. The fact that the game uses AI partners during a majority of the sequences only emphasizes this point and this is what reviewers have been getting at. I should also mention that IGN did mention the lack of co-op in COD4.

The single-player isn’t perfect. For starters, it’s single-player. Co-op gameplay in shooters is quickly becoming the standard. Considering you spend almost the entire campaign with the same squadmates, the hope (and even expectation) for online co-op is not unwarranted.

It’s also worth noting that the game received the exact same score. Let’s get back to the crybaby, though.

. . . it seems like Reviewers are missing the point of Killzone 2’s gameplay, some are expecting the game to completely change the genre, this is however not the case, Killzone 2 is a shooter that does what shooters are supposed to do, and does them to a very high standard, neither Halo nor Call of duty 4, revolutionised the genre, yet they were never docked points for it. Reviewers say Killzone 2 is ’samey’ with a weak story and cliche FPS techniques, I am sorry to once again disagree but I have never seen a more cliche War story than that of Call of Duty 4, and again nobody felt the need to mention it.

Opinions! I’m pretty sure the short story mode of Call of Duty 4 was one of the greater narratives of this past generation in addition to be presented perfectly, but, hey, that’s me. Call of Duty 4 also did a lot of interesting, different scenarios and dramatically shifted directions just when you were getting used to one thing. I haven’t played Killzone 2, but if it lacks a little bit of variety, that’s reason to knock it. Even so, I’ve only seen reviewers praise its intense variety, so I don’t know where this guy is coming from.

Moving on to graphics, this one is causing quite a stir, we all know just how good Killzone 2 looks, screenshots and videos of the game can testify to the claim that this is probably one of the best looking games of all time.  The funny thing is some reviewers (again I wont call any names) seem to think that due to small niggles with the graphics here and there, that points should be dropped, is it me or are people being mightily harsh to what is the best looking console title in a while?

I hate this jackass for making me defend IGN. This guy only talks about textures and still images, but I really haven’t seen anyone mark it down for that. IGN clearly mentions and then shows the reader in video exactly what they have a problem with, and I have to agree. The flamethrower looks like rancid ass. Amid all these wonderful effects and lighting details, that effect just looks so jarring and horrid. It really removes the player from the experience.

That’s all I can stand to take from this guy, but he seriously needs to chill, along with anyone else who thinks like this. He, like others, claims to not care about reviews, but this has really grabbed his gourd. It’s just a game, and they’ve arbitrarily reviewed it well, just like you arbitrarily capitalize nouns.

It doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks, as long as you think for yourself.

It’s the most important link you will ever read.

Aside from what’s in a tremendous amount of fan art, there really isn’t a whole lot that’s palatable in this day and age. Sure, we had the opportunity to see some pixel-sized nipple back in the day with Custer’s Revenge, but I would hardly say that’s in accordance with good taste. In fact, there’s hardly a game out there that treats nudity tastefully.

In a society of American liberals who argue that nudity will not corrupt children, we’re hardly doing enough to advocate that policy. Our Internets are filled with billions of images of women and characters topless and doing some nasty, and our video games reflect the exact same mentality.

How do we sit here and argue that we’re better than that and that this stuff doesn’t corrupt the youth when it seems that the only thing we crave is the next image of a tantalizing beauty, fictional or otherwise? Video games seem to only feature women of the incredibly topless variety, walking around readily flaunting their sacks of fat in an attempt to appear digitally enticing. I get rather tired of the cumbersome lines that accompany the pixelated “vixens” attempting some bizarre stab at sexuality.

Games like the Godfather II are just one example of the ridiculous nudity and sexuality presented herein. I don’t really want to talk about the Singles games that were made. Those could have only been aimed at the 13 to 16 year-old crowd.

"Holy shit, they're naked!"

At this point, you must be wondering, “What the Hell are you getting at, man? What’s with the title?” Well, I’m of the mind that video games need more nudity. Right now, we’re treating it as some kind of taboo that only horny dudes appreciate in their M-rated games for mature gamers, like myself. If we could just have some tasteful nudity in a game, the world would be fantastic.

The only game I can really think of that did it tastefully was God of War. The Grecian Goddess the player comes into contact with has an exposed chest, which was the preferred attire of the time. Those particular boobies weren’t doing anything to harm anyone; they were just being historically accurate. Of course, God of War threw all that away when the player participates in mini-game revolving around a three-way. Goddamn.

Tasteful nudity is something that I believe could elevate video games to the next level. I’m not suggesting they could rise to the same level as cinema, as a lot of movies have nudity just to have tit in there. No, tasteful nudity is something that’s hard to approach at this particular point in time. How do you achieve that level of nudity without having it appear sexual?

Simple:

Flaccid Penis

Video games need more flaccid penis. There is nothing that will immediately turn someone off faster than an ugly little penis hanging around. At the same time, it’s one of the most human and humanizing body parts there is, aside from the breast, but until we get it into our thick skulls that it’s not a sexual organ, we have to set that aside.

The penis is often symbolized in erect statues and objects that are referred to as phallic. The phallus is supposed to represent something that embodies strength and manhood. Anyone who’s ever been in its presence quickly sees that that’s not the case. It’s actually a rather weak and sad little figure, lazily hanging about waiting for its time to work and always coming in at the wrong time. In this regard, I find it characterizes men more dramatically than the idealism suggests.

How can we implement this into games? Heroic men fighting off scads of enemies whilst nude. One could implement the protection of his flapping man-meat as a form of gameplay revolving around health. The character only dies when that vital part is chopped off. It would bring dismemberment gameplay to a whole new level.

Developer’s don’t even need to go that far. It could be that while changing an outfit in order to slip past guards, they just happen to show the penis briefly. Perhaps after waking up in the middle of the night just before a zombie meltdown, the protagonist wants some milk, and–while walking to the fridge in the buff–zombies break in and he has to get out of there. There’s no time to grab your clothes in certain situations. How about just showing the genitalia during an operation? A game that’s supposed to be medically accurate is just ridiculous when it’s not at least anatomically correct.

Sometimes people have to take off their clothes, and it doesn’t always necessarily pertain to sex; that’s all I’m saying. Video games should reflect this. I’m just so tired of having titty forced upon me. I have no need to associate blood, guts, insipid humor, and sexualized buxom nipples. One of the greatest moments in film these past couple of years was at the end of Eastern Promises. If you’ve seen it, you know how it pertains to this article, but if you haven’t, go rent it somewhere.

If the ridiculously close-minded Hollywood can be that adventurous, why the Hell can’t video games? C’mon, developers, stop trying to poorly turn me on and try something actually unique and innovative.

I can’t stop coloring words.

Anyway, MASSIVE DAMAGE: The Crabcast is back for the first time in this sequel premiere!

We talk about your articles, Hycran, a little bit of /v/, Alex, the future of the site and vidya, and everyone’s favorite child-touching man-boy, Tingle.

Most Assuredly.

It’s a base-jumping game from Dejobaan Games, developers of The Wonderful End of the World. If you’ve never heard of that game, do yourself a favor and head over to Steam and pick it up. It’s a stupid cheap knockoff of Katamari Damacy that’s far easier to control and retains it’s own sense of quirky humor that may or may not be expected from an indie developer such as this. Graphically, it’s not comparable, but it’s still fun if you’re looking for that kind of kick.

So, now that you’ve done that (and you have done that), we can take a look at Aaaaa!

Looks rough, huh? Well, they note that it’s a prototype to the 5th degree in the video, so that’s to be expected. The way it looks now sort of reminds me of Tribes 2. A sort of surreal, comical setting versus all the realism we’re getting out there right now. Already, I’m digging it.

Even though, they’re ugly now, I like the creative layout of the buildings and terrain. It lends itself to the already original feel of the game. I also like the mooning the old lady bit. Hopefully, they’ll implement some kind of suitable graphic into the game somehow. That would be majestic.

I’m really stoked on how you have to take risks to get points. It’s sort of like the Burnout series in that regard. I love how even after the buildings, there’s still more to go. It suggests–to me, at least–that some levels may go on for very long periods of time. Nigh-endless free fall? I’m pumped for that.

The best part of almost any open world game for me, was trying to fall from the greatest heights. This game has the potential to capitalize on all the greatest moments of Crysis, GTA:SA, Just Cause, and even GTA4. If this bad boy is affordable like their last title (WHY ARE YOU NOT BUYING THIS?), then this’ll be an easy must-have title alongside such greats as Mount&Blade.

First off:

You can be in it!

Head here to find out how.

If you’re not feeling that, or even if you are, you can also throw out a question or discussion topic that we’ll then open up during the podcast. That’s right! User response and feedback!

It can be about anything. If you want to throw out a discussion on market trends and current economic downturns, right on! If you want to find out what we think would fix the Sonic series, ask away! If you want to know Alex’s playing habits on TF2, divulge! If you want to find out why I’m such a big homosexual for writing that Tingle fiction, go ahead, cowboy!

You can throw out whatever you want and we’ll respond to it providing it’s not too personal, but that’ll depend on the user.

To have your question or topic read during the podcast, post it in the comments under this post using your username. The list of who’s going to be in it is as-of-yet undetermined, but you can count on Alex, mulmeltia, and myself. Don’t let that discourage you from asking about other users and their series or articles, though. Ask away.

Feel free to post huge detailed discourses or teeny tiny blurbs. It’s all about the choice of the users here.

Can’t wait to see what you’ve got.

It’s the most bizarre thing. Monday, I was horribly ill and couldn’t stop spilling my guts into the toilet, and, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t bring myself to play anything. It’s the worst feeling! Here I am with all the time in the world, and I can’t use it finish up those Speed Runs in Mirror’s Edge, complete that damn LittleBigPlanet level, finish up those Kombo Challenges in Mortal Kombat Vs. DC Universe, dick around in Metal Gear Online, or even just play some dudes in Super Smash Bros. Melee (that’s all we have up here at school).

So many choices, all of which I’m dying to make, I just can’t get myself to do it. It feels like a wall is up in front of me, like some sort of physical or metaphysical barrier is telling my body that I wouldn’t be able to handle the stimulation resulting from video games. No! That can’t be! I can always handle video games. I’m a man. It’s gotta’ be some psychological thing, like I’m worried about getting the controllers all nasty. I don’t know.

The worst part of all this is that I’m not going to have that kind of time to play again for another couple of days, so it’s really grinding into me. Oh well, at least I got to see some cool movies.

This shit is balla'

I’m actually still a bit ill. I’m getting a bit exhausted just writing this. What a little baby I am.

Are you guys and girls better than me? Can you work up the nerve to play the vidya?

Well, chances are it was all of those things combined, but the whole easy-mode thing probably stuck out the most. There’s a mass of games falling prey to this idea, theory, and concept that games need to be far more accessible to help penetrate the market more. Developers around the world are doing research groups in order to meet the demands of people who will never play their games anyway.

What spurned this sudden desire? Well, truth be told, it’s not that sudden. There’ve been varying difficulties in games since the very beginning, it’s only now–since the launch of the Wii–that Nintendo’s enforced upon the industry this concept of accessibility.

Is this good? For the Wii, it is. With the demographic consisting entirely of people who’ve never played games before and a lack of any games at all, any titles they do release have to be playable by quadriplegics.

What about the other systems, though? Are there games out there for people who’ve played video games since they were four? If they were the people buying the majority of titles, then perhaps there would be, but the market seems to suggest that it would like to exclude this “loyal” fanbase. This hasn’t stopped them from clamoring for more, though. At every instance possible, those of the hardcore demographic raid message and image boards and pollute the HTML code with cries of injustice. In this digital age, the developers are apparently listening.

Their solution, however, is not the most sound. For developers who want to attract all audiences, they’re incorporating this idea of “easy to pick up, tough to master,” which is perhaps only self-serving. When this new design philosophy is implemented, it often degenerates into half of the game being way to easy, and the other half either being not hard enough or simply too hard because the player just wasn’t prepared for it.

Do you remember when Super Mario Galaxy really picked up the pace? Me neither. I remember near the end of the game, some purple coin collecting taking me a fourth try, but that’s it. That was the most exciting part of the game, and the part most people take home with them. We all remember Luigi’s Purple coins.

Fighting games are probably the only genre that comes close to achieving this lofty goal of “anyone can play.” Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe did have a somewhat simple and satisfying battle system, and some brutally timing-specific “pro moves” that only dedicated players would be able to work into combos. Street Fighter IV is also touting an ease of accessibility with the inclusion of a “challenge mode” that’s supposed to let you learn the most basic attacks up to the best and most complicated combos in the game. The problem with both of these games is that if a person has never played a fighting game before, they’re going to be totally lost regardless. It takes some time and a little bit of skill to learn how to do “shoryuken” and super combo motions, and for some people those may not be things they’re willing to dedicate to a game where there are already thousands of players online just waiting to obliterate them twenty times over.

The problem is, nobody knows how to make these games fun for everybody anymore. Why can’t they just realize the answer’s been right in front of them the whole time:

Difficulty Settings

My God, it’s so simple! Change certain things about the game depending on a selection made at the beginning, or make difficulty options  interchangeable during the game that alter how hard the game plays and make it accessible to everyone! Brilliant!

I don’t understand why this is such a hard concept to understand. Metal Gear Solid 4 got it just right, and nobody noticed. “Professional” reviewers don’t even get it. The majority of those who reviewed the game knocked it for being far too easy. “What is the point of stealth when you can just shoot everybody?” How can you get paid big dollars to review things, without having played the whole game? Unless it’s a joke review, I see no reason for it. Anyone who’s played the game on anything but the first three settings knows the game considerably ramps up the difficulty, making it very difficult to simply shoot one’s way out of situations. The game is not perfect by any means, but to knock it for freedom of choice is just ridiculous. Hell, it even rewards you for playing the game without killing anyone. The whole review process has always been bizarre to me.

What spurned this angry discourse? One of my favorite developers has betrayed me: Criterion just announced what the details are for their free content update.

Click to watch.

Essentially, they make the cars at the beginning of the game much slower and harder to crash, give you more time to do a stunt run, and make every billboard, smash, and jump fluorescent and colorful. Why? I’d be fine with this if they’d included all of this as an optional selection on the menu. If they didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, they could have called this new stuff “normal” and the old stuff “advanced.” Why hurt everyone?

Perhaps I’m overreacting, and I need to wait for the release, but I’m just really sick of having to deal with this. There are some games that are still pretty brutal: Dead Space and Super Street Fighter II Turbo: HD Remix, but they’re few and far between. I’m not asking to get maniacally raped in every game I play; that’s just frustrating. I just want the option to choose whether or not I get raped.

Is that so much to ask?

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH AKUMA?

Honestly, that’s just ridiculous. Who approved that? He sounds like an amorous gorilla.

I am not the be all end all of voice acting by any means, but if I had a whole studio and loads of money, I could guarantee that I wouldn’t be so daft as to hire someone who obviously didn’t fit the part. Of course, Akuma, is really just the first on the roster that is completely ruined forever. Thank some ethereal heavenly body that we can switch vocal options based on individual characters.

So, in the regard, I’m going to quickly run down a list of the characters and dictate which language they should be set to. This, I believe, will benefit all mankind.

Note that all the names are in accordance with Capcom USA.

• Ryu – A lot of people seem to over-exaggerate about his English voice actor, who really doesn’t sound as bad as he could–no worse than a frustrated gorilla anyway. However, I refuse to listen to his jilted opening lines, so Japanese it is.
• Ken – It makes sense that this character would be speaking in English: He’s American.  As nostalgic as I am for Scott McNeil, this VA sounds right for Ken, and he seems to be a decent actor to boot. English.
• Chun-Li – I really don’t like the way she sounds in the Anime accompanying SF4’s release, but in the game she sounds alright. Although I’ll probably try the English for a little bit, I know I’ll go right back to the Japanese selection knowing that I enjoy her sound much better that way.
• Guile - Even though Guile is meant to be an American (FLAG TATTOOS), his English VA ham’s it all the way to hamville–two stops away from hamtown. I’m not a big fan of the Japanese version, though, so, reluctantly: English.
• E. Honda – He sounds like he’s taking a shit. Japanese.
• Dhalsim – In Japanese, the VA really let’s his “r”s go. Plus, I’ll put it in English simply for that badass “Namaste.”
• Zangief – It’s perfect. English.
• Blanka – “WHO ARE EEEEUUUUUOOOOOOOOOW?” Japanese.
• C. Viper – The English sounds okay, it’s just gonna’ depend on how much I want to hear about her “investigation.” Interchangeable.
• Abel – If Guile’s from Hamville, Abel fucking founded it. “Yet you expect me to spill my secrets?” is not a line I can bear to hear again. I don’t care what the rest of his work sounds like. That was total shit. Japanese.
• El Fuerte – His English voice is amusing to me, so I might be able to turn it on occasionally. Interchangeable.
• Rufus - This guy must speak English, it’s the only way his character makes sense.
• M. Bison – It’s gettin’ a little tough to understand what he’s saying. Really, I just love the Japanese VA too much.
• Sagat - WRONG WRONG WROOOOOOOOOOONG. Japanese.
• Vega - Perfect sound, perfect characterization. English.
• Balrog - Sounds like Piccolo. Japanese.
• Akuma – It sounds like he’s continuously vomiting up his arousal. A thousand times Japanese.
• Gouken – Sounds like Santa Claus. Japanese.
• Cammy - The accent is a little forced, but she says all the moves well and that’s what’s most important. English.
• Sakura - Speaking English: “Ryu-san!” Reaction Image. Japanese.
• Dan – He should speak English. I wanted him to, badly, but the English VA sounds way too young and I can’t stand the way he screams “FAAAAATHEEEEEER!” He’s giving the character way to much pathos, and not enough comedic intrinsic touches. Japanese.
• Fei Long – So bland, it comes off ridiculous. I had no idea you could even do that. Japanese.
• Rose – That accent is way sexy, plus I hate the way the Japanese VA pronounces the moves. English.
• Gen – He should be speaking Chinese. Oh well. Japanese.
• Seth - Sounds the least ridiculous of all the characters in the game and actually manages to be menacing, which is the point of the character. Also, he’s Michael McConnohie. English.

So the totals come to 14 Japanese, 9 English, and 2 that can swing both ways, which could probably be attributed to how new they are to the series. Either way, I shouldn’t have to deal with terrible English voice acting in something of this caliber. To their credit, though, I don’t entirely know if the Japanese VAs are better actors than the English VAs. It could be that they’re just as terrible, if not worse. What I do know, however, is that at least they fit the characters for the most part.

Anyway, this is the definitive list. If you want to spare the blood in your ears, I recomend that it’s adhered to.

However, this post is actually about a franchise that is also being revamped. Granted, it’s a lesser-known series, but it still has a strong following. The King of Fighters has always held a place in my heart, at least. Whether it’s the ever-changing game mechanics that are fresh in each and every iteration, the sheer amount of characters that is ever-growing still, or even the sprites and animation that each have so much care, detail, and attention attributed to every single one, this fighting series has remained a strong underdog in this shrinking market.

With the latest chapter, SNK Playmore has taken it upon themselves to finally update the graphics from the more-than-a-decade old set they’ve been using for the last 11 or so games, in addition to other titles of theirs not a part of this particular series. Rather than going into the details of the full HD rendered sprites and the soft shadow and lighting effects, here is a fat truckload (go to page 2) of videos from the first location test for the game. I feel these three are the best.

Everyone’s wearing green. There are two matches in all of these videos, so stick around for some rad Goro Daimon action.

Hell, yes, Andy!

The background work here is just fantastic.

Of course, SNK Playmore ain’t the only doing this sort of thing. Arc System Works, famous for the Guilty Gear series, is putting out a new title with the same sort of treatment because there’s a licensing dispute over Guilty Gear with SEGA. Personally, I prefer the KoF XII style and work. BlazBlue seems to look exactly like the old series: exceedingly cartoony (animeish?), relatively stiff, and altogether far too small. But this is just my opinion on the matter, I should really let you make your own decision.

Which do you think is better?