Tingle found himself on the floor. Once again amassed in pile of his own unwashed tights, he woke to find that he was still, in fact, alone. “Kooloo-limpah~,” he murmured as he stared down at his dry, crusted toes. He lazily trekked to the bathroom, knowing he would have to shave the fur from his hands again. “What kind of life is this?” His thoughts wandered as he searched for at least one more disposable razor.

Floating through the air, now having gathered himself, Tingle found more time to ponder his being. “Thirty-five,” he thought, “and what have I to show for it?” The wind blew his bloated self to and fro, wiggling his exposed, filth-ridden belly. “No one buys my maps anymore. They all just stare at me.” Even now he could hear their calls.

“Freak.”

“Maniac.”

“Pervert.”

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Fucking Masterpiece

DJ: G Double rises from the ashes to return anew, ready to smooth the love.

Today, we spread the word about awards and all their goings-on.

 

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There are just so many good things to play!

I’ve been playing this series since the original was out on Apple-based computers. I spent much of my time with it during its Macintosh incarnation, in which I enjoyed the grueling time restrains and timing-specific puzzles that were best described as unforgiving. I was a glutton for punishment back then. Come to think of it, after spending a few hours with Sonic Unleashed, I realize I probably still am. Nevertheless, with or without that change I’ve still been a huge fan of the series, especially into the Sands of Time arc.

Now that that’s out of the way, I’m not going to run off a huge diatribe for you, but, rather, I’m going to list off the points of this game that stuck with me the most and are essentially the core of the play experience. This particularly pertains to the PS3 version of the game, but I’m certain that the Xbox360 version is identical. Here we go:
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For those that have been playing Burnout Paradise for the last year or so, all the announcements on the addition of cost to additional content has probably been a bit of a hampering. Well, Criterion has just announced that they still have one last massive update to provide that includes a bevy of new dealies.

On the Same day they’re releasing the Party Pack, they’re making available an update, which includes an in-game website and an in-game store. Pretty cool, huh?! No? Well, they’ve also updated the visuals, game modes, and “the entire vehicle dynamics system.”

Kinda’ cool? Still just feeling lukewarm, huh?

Well, how about a RESTART FEATURE, FUCK YEAH!

For anyone who’s ever played the game, a failed event due to a random chance or fluke can be quite frustrating. That frustration is only escalated when you have to drive all the way back to the other side of the map just to try the event again. Well, feel the alleviation, my friends! No longer do you have to steer through the drive of shame!

I’m particularly excited, as I’ve just recently begun the game anew as discussed in our first podcast.

Of course, in addition to all the goodies, they’ve included a new, short, video podcast that shows off their first paid content, which actually alleviates some of my fears of purchasing products with cash money.

Click to see some rad cars.

It’s been said before, but why can’t all developers be like Criterion?

It’s finally getting on my nerves.

When I first heard about the Microsoft Xbox and all the potential it was going to have in an EGM article, I was particularly thrilled. It had some pictures of games that looked like they could have been on the PC, like a very free form house sim and an RTS. The Sega Dreamcast was still around at the time and kicking up some heat, so I was all about the alternative market. It touted developer-friendly SDKs that would allow even upstart developers to get their heads around the device, opening up an even greater market for interesting and unique games. To this end, the games wouldn’t cost as much, but would garner profit from things like micro-payments for additional game content. At the time, I thought that might be doable, but I didn’t like the idea of paying an additional fee for a product that normally had one set price, but if the products were cheaper, then it might be worth the cost of admission.
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You can’t.

Were you expecting something else? I’m sorry. Fantasies are always the first to fall flat.

There seems to be some kind of misconception going around about the womens. Purportedly, they’re devices created for pleasure and they must be conditioned to one’s specific likings. There are some puritans still around in my understanding, but I hadn’t considered it to be this widespread. No, Women are people. They are human. You prick them, they bleed (Bastard).

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As often as I’ve sat to ponder only to wittle away the time superfluously, I’ve equally played video games to the same effect.  I’ve not played them specifically to pass the time, as a need to further the hastening of my life has always seemed to dramatically unnecessary, at least in my eyes; do what you will. I’ve played them in order to find enjoyment and to experience fantastical elements not associated with with the humdrum of actuality, and then perhaps to feel a part of of that if only superficially.

In other words: to have fun.

It’s a pleasurable activity much in the same way sex has brought me pleasure though to a lesser extent (I’ll let you assume). I’ve found it so enjoyable that it has perhaps become ritual. All of a sudden, I would be left with no activities, work, or alternatives, and by way of tradition a controller would find its way into my hands. Astounding! “Perhaps I will play for a few moments until I go to sleep.” Inevitably those few moments turn into a few hours and I am forced to put myself to bed in an act of paradoxical self-control.

That’s how it used to be anyway.
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So if you haven’t heard of GoAnimate.com, it’s basically website with tools designed to easily create animations. The website includes theme packs to add characters and other works to your creations. One of those packs is Street Fighter, based on the popular video game franchise of the same name.

These packs are, of course, officially licensed, and Capcom itself hasn’t shied away from making use of the tools themselves.

The animations sure are impressive at the very least, and it’s nice to see Capcom continue to delve into the community, especially the American and European communities, which most Japanese developers tend to stay away from. Hopefully more developers and publishers will make similar attempts without jumping the shark.

Either way, Capcom continues to toy with my emotions.

So, ladies and gentlebros, it’s what you’ve all been waiting for. We got together and spoke about just about everything relevant to the site, including Alex and his doings, several articles written by you users, the users themselves, various vidya of all variety, and–of course–we spoke in earnest of /v/. Everything you could ever what to hear is in this hefty podcast.

Blagcast!, that is.

 

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Keep writing!

This picture is relative only thematically.

DeJae JiDubl is back with a quick turnaround for all your gaming needs.

We’re gettin’ down to some hot bit o’ topics, right fresh from the papers to keep concurrent with the vidya atmosphere.

 

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You gotta’ love them games, man.