Let me begin this article with an introduction not to the game, but to myself. I’ve never played a FE game before. Ever. I’ve played SRPG’s before such as Disgaea, FFTA (and the even more awesome FFTA2) and so on, but I’ve never actually played a Fire Emblem game. This is mainly because I jumped out of the Ninty camp after my Wii collected dust. I have also only completed one mission in this entire game so far, and I have been playing it for 24 hours hit the jump to find out why.

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CPL, CAL, MLG, WGS, TWL, ED, i38.. stop me if you’re getting bored already. Here, I will attempt to provide you all a little insight into what ‘Pro’ gaming actually is, the people– the money (or lack thereof), the fame and the failures.

2009 is the year, and we’ve got teams all over the bloody shop. MeetYourMakers, Fnatic, Complexity 20ID, Salvo, Dignitas, 4K, Reason and the list trails off into the ether with some successful.. and some less successful pro gaming teams. What does this mean? Does this mean professional gaming is now viable as a career? Can you earn money for headshots in todays world? Will I ever stop name dropping? How many commas can I write before you close this tab? Hit the jump to find out. (continue reading…)

Gentlemen, the king of the tactical warfare genre (sue me, I made it up. And yes this is the only game in the genre.) has returned. The Total War series from Shogun to Medieval has laid dormant for some time. And now, with an all new fresh lick of paint and many many gameplay additions and changes, Empire Total War is here. With the full release just around the corner (March 3rd, nevar forget etc)  get your tactics on up in the demo.

Packing heat at a whopping 2GB (this is a demo after all..) the two missions included are guaranteed to be beefy with corpses littered atop what was once a perfectly good corn field I’m sure you can’t wait.

For those of you fuddy duddies who are still sitting at home, tin-foil hats firmly upon their heads– the demo only comes in STEAM choo choo flavour, so don’t bother looking because unfortunately gentlemen, you cannot find it.

Look forward to some demo impressions within a couple of days once I’ve had time to explore every nook and cranny and stick my head into every orafice.

A link for the lazy

Gentlemen. I have been to the mountaintop. And upon that same mountaintop I was spoken to- nay, TOUCHED! By the hand of hand of gaming. I crossed my chest from the W, to the S to the A and D and a voice told me that digital distribution is truly the future, and to put faith in those who deliver me from the tyranny of evil shovelware. That voice comes back to me today as I gladly inform you of the Steam Sale this weekend.

Get this fellows. I-Fluid, Multiwinia, Trials 2, Gravitron 2, and Eets all in ONE pack. For the price of £6.95.  80% off. EIGHTY PERCENT.

Just a quick summary for those who have no idea what the hell these are and why they need them. First up, Multiwinia is the fantastic sequel to the wonderous Darwinia, something of an RTS lite. I-Fluid is a lovely little casual game wherein you control a drop of water trying to get to the end of various fun levels attempting to avoid absorption from various substances, such as the dreaded meat. Trials 2 Second Edition is just that, a trials motorbike game. Racing and flipping has never been so fun. Gravitron 2 is the game designed to make you mutilate your keyboard with your face, you know those games where you control a spaceship.. in a cavern and across planetary surfaces (I wonder why these retro games use a goddamn spaceship to explore planets.. on the inside.). Annoying it may be, but it’s really- really fun and wondrously rewarding when a level is done. Eets is a cute little casual game that can only really be described as Lemmings meets The Incredible Machine.

Buy them, get them, play them.

If you don’t use Windows, you can stop reading here.

Over the past couple of weeks a virus known as the Conficker, Downadup or Kido worm has been multiplying at an alarming rate. A recent headcount shows it at around 9.5 million infected computers. A botnet that size could probably bring an end to the internet.

No, I’m exaggerating.

However, it’s not all terribly bad. Just as with all epidemics, virtual or real, all that is necessary are precautions. If a friend comes over and wants to plug his key into your machine (No, that was not a euphemism), ask him how his internet’s been recently, and if it’s been acting slower than usual. This a symptom of the worm abusing his internet connection for it’s own ends — See: infecting more people.

Now, I’m sure you’re tired of my rambling and you want me to make the pain go away, right? Well – for those of you that have Windows Automatic Updates turned off, turn them on. The main update you’re looking for (If you want to prioritise.. or just to turn the darn thing off ASAP) is KB958644. Find it, install it – and you’re safe. For the most part. If someone comes and plugs in their USB Key you are still susceptible to it.

For those of you that have got it or fear you may have it, it’s nearly invisible. It only leaves one or two trademarks and those being

• A slower internet connection and/or consistently using bandwidth. If you suspect something, close all unnecessary processes and download a bandwidth monitoring program.
• Automatic Updates suddenly being turned off and disabled.

If you suspect you are infected and are experiencing the symptoms, try this first.

If you are infected, a logical course of action would be reformat. Back up onto a external hard drive (but absolutely NO autorunning files.), and reinstall Windows anew on a formatted hard drive. Once everything is kosher, you can try taking your data from the external hard drive. If you notice the symptoms appearing again then you’ll have to start over. This time, with no backup.

You know that addictive as sin medival warfare/life simulator released by that indie group founded by a husband and wife team? It just got better. They’ve announced a new expansion.The main focus of it is going to be not a campaign, but multiplayer battles.

Yes children, you read right. Multiplayer battles in Mount & Blade. The main thing everyone has ever wanted, to joust with their friends and couch a spear right into <insert friends username>’s crowned jewels will be available as soon as summer, as late as autumn.

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This weekend, get your hands on some good old fashioned murdering and street racing in the Rockstar Collection. Everything inside is also separately discounted too Bar GTA1, GT2 and Wild Metal, so if you’re just looking for your GTA4 fix then look no further because this is probably the cheapest you’re going to get it, and with the recent patch stated to have increased performance somewhat significantly, it’s unlikely there’ll be a better time.

Just for the unsure the collection includes GTA1, GTA2, GTA3, GTA Vice City, GTA San Andreas,  GTA IV, Manhunt, Max Payne, Max Payne 2, Midnight Club 2 and Wild Arms.

It’s not all of it – I know, but for the low low price of £38.49/$69.99/€69.99 it’s hard to not buy it.. except for our European bretheren, you might want to find a good trusted friend from either the US or the UK to gift it to you and you send them the money.. Steam is kind of skewed against the europeans at the moment.

Click Here to buy it.

And click here if you feel that 1€ ≠ 1$

Just looking at it makes me teary eyed..

That’s right folks, you read right.

Microsoft following budget cuts has closed the ACES studio, the minds behind the highly successful Flight Simulator series. But fear not, for the series will continue although Microsoft have not yet stated which studio will head up the project from now on.

From Humble Beginnings..

Pictured left is the original Microsoft Flight Simulator 1.0, released in 1982. Few of we gamers (sadly, I am not one of the few) were around or even out of nappies (diapers to you yankee) when this was released, and even fewer of us even knew it existed in its time. But little did we know this would become the giant it is today, and was believed to be going from strength to strength in the face of naysayers.

I guess it just goes to show you, nothing truly is for certain.

One of the most innovative and clever little games of 2008, World of Goo’s soundtrack is now free for all to obtain and listen to, free of charge and free of that awful guilty feeling you get from the evil, evil world of piracy.

Personally I actually really like the soundtrack, not outstanding when compared against other games such as Metal Gear Solid, Bionic Commando Rearmed or even Pheonix Wright, but listening to any track is 100% guaranteed to make you want to solve a puzzle shortly after.

Get it here.

That’s right folks, Sony aren’t the only ones to cut jobs. Thankfully Nintendo are still comfortable printing money from their bengal tiger-furred computer chairs drinking the blood of valkyries out of solid gold tankards.