I bet you missed me, huh? Don’t lie~

Anyway, Sonic games. Yeah yeah, I know. sonic has been REALLY bad lately. And it hurts me deep… but there are good ones. Lemme show yah what ones.

Starting with a newer game:

Sonic and the Black Knight

No, really. I’m not kidding. The concept for this game was HORRIBLE, but the execution is pretty damn good. Sonic is summoned to the land of King Arthur by a cute loli version of Merlin named (surprise!) Merlina and after some delicious chili dog eating, Sonic gets a magic talking sword named “Caliburn”. The action is fast, and the sword allows you to obliterate most enemies without a care in the world. Now, like Secret Rings, there are a few slowdowns. There are points where you have to give villagers rings and there are large enemies that don’t go down in one hit, but everything else in the game is a pretty damn good time. I don’t really recommend it for someone who doesn’t like Sonic, but it’s worth a try even if  you don’t. (continue reading…)

While Sony has made several blunders in the current gen console war one of the biggest was allowing Call of Duty 4 to go multi-platform. The game has become such a runaway success that it could have single-handedly changed the face of the war as we know it. Perhaps equally as big was allowing Grand Theft Auto 4 to go multi-platform. Although the game sold about 45/55%  on the PS3 and Xbox 360 respectively, there are rumblings that the next installment in the GTA series may become a Playstation exclusive by default.

Wait, what the hell are you talking about?

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Here’s what I got out of today’s press conference:

• Halo: Reach.  New Halo game (there’s a big surprise)  I’ve already read the Halo books, so I know how this one plays out.  So, on top of ODST, that’s two Halo games coming out.  Maybe Bungie should, I dunno, try something new?  At this rate they’re going to milk that cash cow to death.
• Project Natal.  The 360 is getting motion controls, but with a twist:  You are the controller.  Supposedly provides advanced motion recognition.  Sounds like the Eye Toy to me, so I’m not holding my breath.
• Metal Gear Solid Rising.  Oh look, a 360-exclusive Metal Gear title (starring Raiden).  PS3 owners everywhere weep.
• Gears of Metroidvania.  I don’t remember what the title of this game was, but it’s being produced by Epic for the XBox Live Marketplace.
• Some cart game.  Coming soon to XBox Live Marketplace – A free cart racing game!  You just have to pay for extra levels and cars.
• Alan Wake.  Survival Horror.  Looks promising.  Also looks like Silent Hill.
• Social Media Integration.  Soon you’ll be able to access Facebook and Twitter right from your dashboard.  Whee.
• Better video on demand.  Something about 1080p and coverage in new countries.  Wasn’t really paying attention.
• Milo.  Freakish “electronic companion” native to the uncanny valley being developed by Peter Molyneux.  Supposedly understands you and can talk back.  It’s like you really have a friend!
• Forza thing game.  Racing game.  Allows you to customize your cars.  Supposedly fosters communities among children.  It’s a racing game.
• Left 4 Dead 2.  Very short and vague clip.  I think they’re adding chainsaws.

Other games were shown during the presentation, but that’s all that really stood out for me.

Oh yeah, Steven Speilberg showed up at some point, right about the time I got bored and went to the gym.

Presenting…

…The Top Five Signs That a DLC Should Have Just Been Free

Brought to you by Fedora Man

Well it finally April and you have to love how easy it is to open an article with the lines “so it’s finally whatever month we’re in right now”. It’s time for the next step in my great journey to earn money through a video game blog. Now I know you might be wondering “I thought you had billions! Were you lying to me?” The answer is of course, no. Stupid. Why would I make something like that up? But the difference between that money and the money I’ll earn on this site is I actually had to do work to earn it, unlike my corporation where I really don’t do any work at all. I can show all my friend “yeah this is the ten dollars I earned THROUGH WORK!” and if they say that they also have a job and have made more money, I’ll pull out my emergency one million dollars that I always keep stashed in my pants and laugh at them, probably while rubbing the money all over myself. (continue reading…)

There I was, circa 2003 installing a little game called ‘Soldier Of Fortune II’. I’d played the previous version and had hours of fun blasting limbs from as far as I could tell a legion of douchebags in wifebeaters and SS wannabees. The install finished and within the first 15 minutes of playing I was having fun manually chopping pieces of my downed foes skull off in something that Ed Gein would get an erection over. See kids, there was this magic time around when publishers didn’t really have to appease the ratings boards as strictly and things like SOF and even Half Life were just expected to be able to turn your opponents into a bloody mess of giblets with a grenade or in some cases a crowbar.

Now it seems that game developers are more focused on creating overly subversive stories instead on giving the player a little more poignant realism in the form of optional total bodily dismemberment. Yeah sure there are still gibs in UT3 and God Of War has bloody decapitations but all in all after being a gore hound for these earlier games they just strike me as a little weak. Which brings me to my next point:

The all powerful, game stomping, fail-safe line of the A-O rating. Publishers shy away from this because there’s a good chance that their product will be outlawed in several countries as well as shunned by retailers. But if you’ve gotten around to playing Madworld you’ll see the same argument that hack directors make when they want to show their cocks in their terribly pretentious arthouse film. And that is; ‘It’s pornography unless it’s artistic.’ This is why Madhouse ever came about the way it did and on that system. Considering that the Wii is barely above the PS2 in graphics power I have a feeling that this game could have been done far more violently years ago for the aforementioned system. (continue reading…)

“So I was playing some B-Ball with some of the boys and I was knocking their ass to the curve. I decided to show off by jumping off another guy’s back and do a twirling slam dunk but then my head grew three times in size and I caught on fire.”

Well that’s just absurd, yet sounds oddly familiar, so familiar in fact, it was in a lot game in the nineties, specifically as the “Big Head” cheat. Well, what’s the point of that? To add some humor and fun without distracting from the gameplay, it was a “cheat” that didn’t side with the player or help the game; it was there just for fun. Oh, there was numerous cheats that were available to play around with, things to just screw around with. Not like those other do nasty cheats that give you infinite lives or something, but even those are somewhat lost in time to grant something to the player.
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“Oops, this game has stopped working and now must close” is a frequent message for some of the games being released today. What we see now is companies in a rush to push out games that don’t work. Case 1: Fallout 3. Case 2: Dawn of War 2, there are many games that have been released with fatal game flaws at are later patched, my query to those companies releasing such games is: why? Why do you like to shit on your customers for getting one of your games? Why do you like to release games before they’re fucking finished? Why do release patches that don’t do shit? Let’s go into this topic for a bit.

When I first got Fallout 3, I was impressed with the graphics and in some ways the gameplay, but I wasn’t impressed with the staggering amount of crashes, glitches, and overall graphical tomfoolery in the game. The worst part is, that this problem still exists. I can understand you want to keep a schedule for the game being released, but you’re only going to hurt your future prospects by releasing an unfinished game.
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Halo Killer. WoW killer. If you have a First Person Shooter, you want to be a Halo Killer. If you have an MMORPG, you want to be a World of Warcraft Killer. Overtaking these games becomes an end unto itself, but not for the reasons of simple sales. Of course, the games that usually must be “killed” are often not the objectively best games, but are often games that have defined themselves as the standard that all games must measure up to.
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Every indie developer wants to have their game distributed to the biggest possible number of people. A truly independent developer doesn’t have the elitist thought that their games need to be “underground” ore “obscure”. While making a game, one of the developer’s  motivations is seeing people playing and liking his game.

Let’s talk about some of the developers who were able to extend the distribution of their game through contracts with big companies. Developers that started without knowing if there would be an end, developers that were moved by their passion, and today, bring great experiences for everyone that wants them.

Let’s start with Nuclear Monkey Software, developer who made Narbacular Drop. Narbacular Drop was the Senior game project of students of DigiPen Institute of Technology . (continue reading…)

NOTE: I’m going to use 360 terminologies in this article, because that is what I play.  It will undoubtedly apply to the PS3’s Trophy system as well, though.

Not too long ago kids would gather in the school cafeteria and talk about the latest game they had played.  They discussed strategies.  They bragged about how far they gotten without dying.  They called ‘BS’ when somebody claimed to have made a complete run on release day.  Games were played because they were fun.

Then Microsoft introduced Achievements and the whole thing went to hell in a hand basket.

There is no way I can go on the interwebz and even hint that the Achievement system may have problems without getting flamed, so I’ll go ahead and slip on my Nomex underwear while you follow the cut.

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