Would you wait nine years before you bought a console of your own?

I’d like to think that the universe sends you signs when the time for something is right. For example, I noticed certain hints in the past few weeks, and all of them had at least one common denominator.

Sign Number One: a friend of mine who owns an Internet cafe (the very same cafe where I’ve been renting his PS2 per hour) said “maybe you should get your own console.”

Sign Number Two: I received a little news item when I logged on to Windows Live Messenger. Sony had apparently slashed the price of the PlayStation 2 down to US$100.

Sign Number Three: An ad on the Internet mentioned that someone was selling her PS2 for a little over US$50.

I figured these three signals were enough for me to go around. It was time.

I sent an SMS to the seller and made a new friend that day. We chatted online and I interrogated her about the details of the unit she was selling. Turns out it was an old, bulky, dusty SCPH-30001 model PlayStation 2.  The package came with a memory card and a few games like Capcom Classics Collection Volume 2 and TMNT.

The not-so-nice part was that it came with no AC or A/V cables and no controller. She claimed it still worked fine, but given the fact that she lived a few thousand kilometers away, I wouldn’t have been able to test her claims until the unit arrived. If she was up to any hanky-panky, it would’ve been too late by then.

I’m normally not inclined to taking risks like that, but for some reason, I gave her the benefit of the doubt. I deposited the payment in her bank account and eagerly awaited the unit’s arrival.  The seller had it delivered to my doorstep, free of charge.

I thought I’d be able to play once I got the cables and the controller. Boy, was I wrong. The unit was still functional, but the lens no longer read discs very well, so it had to be replaced.

I visited the tech people at three or four different shops,  all of whom gave me either a shrug or a grim diagnosis.  It was only the adventurous technicians at the third shop who took on the challenge of acquiring and installing the right lens.

I liked their attitude, so I left the unit and my phone number with them. They got back to me the very next day and asked me to help test out the replacement lens they’d found.

The new lens worked, but not perfectly; it still needed a bit of coaxing from time to time. Besides, it read my Persona 4 disc just fine. That sealed the deal.

As I type this article out, I’m reminded of the words of Nintendo’s Satoru Iwata. He claimed that Japanese get tired of new entertainment more quickly than overseas gamers. And there I was, getting all excited over a console which is several years old.

Is it any real surprise, though? Given the fact that the Japanese have the means to churn out the games quickly,  it follows that they tend to tire of those games just as quickly. After all, they didn’t have to wait nine long years to get a PS2 of their own.

Perhaps that character from the old TV show The West Wing was right after all (I paraphrase):  “We esteem lightly that which we acquire easily.” With respect to that, I suspect it’ll be a while before I tire of this PS2. Who knows? Maybe it’ll be another nine years before I upgrade to this year’s next-gen consoles.

Presenting…

…The Top Five Signs That a DLC Should Have Just Been Free

Brought to you by Fedora Man

Well it finally April and you have to love how easy it is to open an article with the lines “so it’s finally whatever month we’re in right now”. It’s time for the next step in my great journey to earn money through a video game blog. Now I know you might be wondering “I thought you had billions! Were you lying to me?” The answer is of course, no. Stupid. Why would I make something like that up? But the difference between that money and the money I’ll earn on this site is I actually had to do work to earn it, unlike my corporation where I really don’t do any work at all. I can show all my friend “yeah this is the ten dollars I earned THROUGH WORK!” and if they say that they also have a job and have made more money, I’ll pull out my emergency one million dollars that I always keep stashed in my pants and laugh at them, probably while rubbing the money all over myself.

Now I’m sure that everyone reading this right now loves to hear all the stories that end with me rubbing money all over myself (and there are a lot of them) but now is neither the time, nor the place for me to describe my achievements to the world. Mainly because I think that might blow my secret identity and also I don’t think anyone would let me post an article called “The Top Five Ways to Rub Money All Over Yourself Like a Pro”. Instead I’m going to write about some game related phenomena, but only because I have to.

That brings me to my greatest problem: what the hell am I going to write about? There aren’t any games coming out these days (according to me) and writing about one specific past game has been done by everyone and their grandma. At first I was thinking “Heroes of Might and Magic 2, everyone will love to hear about that!” before moving to and idea about specific overrated games. Then one night I was staying up late to try to perfect the insertion of a giant blade into my fedora. Some might call that an oddjob rip off, but those same people might find it hard to speak when, say, a razor-bladed hat cuts their entire mouth off. Anyway it was around 6 am that I decided “screw it I’m too tired to think up a new idea” and settled for this one.

Now if you’re like me (and you’re not at all like me) then you too have expressed frustration at some of the worst excuses for DLC (downloadable content if you somehow made it to this point in the article without knowing what that is) ever made. That’s not to say that all DLC is bad and that it should all be free because there are small amounts of DLC that actually seem to have been worked hard on and deserve some sort of monetary reimbursement (the shivering isles for Oblivion is the first thing that comes to mind). Of course for every shivering isles there are hundreds of “screw you, give me all your money” DLCs or as I like to affectionately call them “dog shit”. I’m sure that this isn’t just at 360 problem, it’s probably also a problem with the PS3 but I wouldn’t know now would I? So here are the signs to identify if the dog shit you just bought should have been free.

Number 5: When the DLC is Free Anyway

Example: Call of Duty 4: Variety Map Pack

This is probably the one that isn’t about dog shit (I’m very much hoping the editor doesn’t take offense to that word being used over and over again). This is one of the cases where the DLC might actually be good but in any case it isn’t free even when say, THEY OFFER IT FOR FREE ANYWAY!

Take the above example for instance. The Call of Duty 4 map pack was offered for free via a code in the Game of the Year Edition. The cost of the Game of the Year Edition is exactly the same as the original game so you’d think they’d start offering the map pack for free, right? Wrong (as always)! I’m not exactly sure why they’d do this (other than the obvious “I want more money” approach) yet it seems like around the time they started offering free map packs they’d just go ahead and put it out for free on the marketplace anyway. There’s only one possible explanation: to piss off hat-based crime fighters.

Hell, that reminds me; before I go on I’d like to tell a little story about my experience with these “free” maps. It started like any other day, random death hurricanes mixed with volcanoes and a zombie apocalypse, you know, nothing special. So I decided that I’d go and get Call of Duty 4 because I was in a crime fighting slump (only because I imprisoned all my enemies) and so I decided to blow off some steam by mercilessly killing people on the internet. I picked out my game and brought it to the Gamestop counter where the cashier was like “I’ll give you the game of the year edition, it doesn’t cost anymore and it gives you free maps.” So I was like “sweet free maps, thanks you pimply faced bastard, I’ll be sure not to violently attack you in the future over game prices.” So as I got back home I opened the box… nothing. There was a game and an instruction booklet but that pimply faced sonofabitch lied to me! There wasn’t any map code at all! Now my first reaction was to don my fedora and jacket/trench coat (have to protect my secret identity) and go back to that store to kick all kinds of ass. But I’m a detective too and my detective-like instincts told me that it probably wasn’t that pimply faced bastard’s fault. Using my fedora-shaped super computer I quickly got confirmation that this had happened to many other people as well. In the end, after a brief bout with tech support that should have just began and ended with the word “bastard” I never got my maps. I’m just waiting for the time that they become free, WHICH THEY NEVER WILL!

Number 4: When the Game in Question has a Sequel

Example: Call of Duty 4: Variety Map Pack

Call of Duty again? Really? Well that’s just an example; there are many games like this. Again this isn’t necessarily dog shit but I promise that the next one will be about dog shit, you dog shit enthusiast you. Anyway the reason I claim that the DLC (which may or may not be dog shit to appease all you crazy people) should be free once a sequel comes out because sales probably drop rapidly over time once the sequel hits stores. I’m pretty sure that’s how it works, but don’t take my word on it, it’s not like I know a lot about business (although I do run a multi-billion dollar business in my free time). I don’t think anyone is rushing out to go buy Halo 2, or Mario Party 3 (despite how awesome Mario Party 3 was) so I’ve taken this rule and applied it to damn near any other game. Maybe I can understand not immediately making it free but in the above example Call of Duty 5 (or Call of Duty: whatever the hell they’re calling it these days) has been out for nearly half a year and I doubt that the Call of Duty 4 will have those free maps in another four or five months time. Granted the two were made by different developers but that’s beside the point. Give me the free maps! I demand it!

Number 3: When the DLC Doesn’t Add Anything Special to the Game

Example: Bomberman Live: Bomb-Up Packs

So NOW we’re talking about dog shit. Again I’m hoping the editor doesn’t come to my house and challenge me to a fist fight for using that so often. In any case I could talk about this in depth but the name says it all. The dog shit doesn’t add a whole lot to the game so it should be free on the grounds that I don’t want to pay you to add pretty much nothing to the overall gameplay.

Take my above example… for example (does that even work?) Bomberman’s bomb-up packs should definitely have been free or just included it in the original game. With the pack comes a bunch of gametypes and maps no one online plays anyway (we’re all too busy playing on the good starting maps with the non-stupid game variants to care). It’s like opening a gift on Christmas to get a playstation 2, a gamecube, or an xbox when you already have the better console. But gosh there’s really not more to say about it, maybe I’m complaining too much or maybe… just maybe… you’re not complaining enough.

Number 2: When the DLC is Just a Little Polish to an Otherwise Bland Turd Sandwich

Example: Crackdown (whatever that weapon pack is called)

I wanted to research what the dog shit was called here to retain my journalistic and genius vigilante integrity but I honestly didn’t care. Now let me set one thing straight, whereas Number 3 on the list (the one you just read if you read like a normal human being or super being) was about something that should be free based on the fact that it added little to a good game, this one is about DLC which could be good or bad that adds little to a horrible game. That’s right; I beat the system by having ALMOST identical but still slightly different types of DLC on display. Wooh!

Anyway I’m sure you (yes you, the guy in the red baseball cap) can think of a ton of DLC and games like this, but let’s go with my example because I already took the time to write it down. Now Crackdown wasn’t THAT bad of a game… okay yeah it was. The whole game was GTA or Saints Row with a ton of collection and not a lot of anything else. Shooting civilians was a power-up losing crime too, so there goes all the random slaughtering fun. The goal of the game is to collect orbs and kill a bunch of bad guys. You’re basically like Super Man except with a gun (or a slightly more athletic Fedora Man, with super powers, a gun, and no awesome hat). So after the fun of jumping around rooftops and shooting people wears off about six hours into the game what’s left to do? Well Realtime Worlds (the developers) has the answer in the form of a content pack sure to add a couple more hours of fun to the game. You get a weapon like the harpoon gun which is cool in that you can fire harpoons at people and stick them to cars and buildings and trees and other people. Where was the downside again? Oh right the fact that there’s a fuggin’ price tag associated with it. What the hell?! I paid sixty dollars for your game! There is no way in hell I’m going to spend six to ten dollars more to make your game NOT suck as much. You may think I’m being a little frustrated this time, because if there’s anything Fedora Man is known for its definitely not violent outbursts of vigilante justice. But that’s what happens when you stay up too late and you keep slicing off your fingers with your stupid razor-blade lined hat that STILL DOESN’T WORK!

But hey let’s look on the bright side. I’d like to take this time to get away from all the anger and pessimism and quickly point out Left 4 Dead. It’s a decent game, not too bad, not too good. But it appears that they’re coming out with DLC soon to make the game better. You know what I like the most about it without even having to look up gameplay videos on youtube? The fact that valve decided to not be a bunch of assholes and release the DLC free. So there, at least I tried to make this article slightly happier with a contrast between dog shit and decent DLC, as well as decent business practices in general.

Number 1: When the DLC in Question Sucks

Example: Too many to count

Damn even the example is a little depressing. There’s like a sea of dog shit out there (not literally you creep) and you know a DLC should be free when the DLC itself sucks. Really, this one ties into every other group category. By now you must be wondering “is there some kind of evil video game-themed villain out there causing all the DLC in the world to suck?” Well no, there was once, but he died in 1983 when the video game crash happened. It was weird and sad because the one thing he was trying to destroy was the only thing keeping him alive. Once the games became bad enough the crash happened and he died. It’s tragic, which is why I’m writing a play about it. I’m thinking of starring the lead role to Adam West and maybe get Jackie Chan in there somehow; we’ll have to see how it turns out.

Anyway there’s really not much more to say but hell I have time to kill in between creating my razor-bladed fedora and fighting demons from beyond time and space. So I’ll start with a little known game called Halo 2 (does anyone remember this game?). Halo 2 had four or five map packs, with the last one having two levels “Desolation” and “turd sandwich” or… something like that, I can’t remember (and I refuse to look it up). Anyway both were remakes and both were TERRIBLE. Although I’m not ashamed to own the Halo series, I am deeply ashamed to have put any money down toward this map pack. Turd sandwich was a terrible level and desolation was… also terrible (cut me some slack I’m tired AND I saved the world yesterday, shut up). Look I’ll give you another example: Halo 3. Halo 3 (and I use the halo series because of its general accessibility so people know what I’m talking about) had the “Heroic map pack” which was so bloody awful that I had to think twice before ever purchasing any kind of map pack EVER AGAIN! It was like they had a staff meeting but only three people showed up and they left after five minutes after someone said “but think about the customers” and someone else responded with “screw the customers!”

I’ll give you one more you might not have thought about: gamer pictures. Yeah those things, you actually have to pay for them. I think I’ll leave it at that instead of pointing out the crippling stupidity in paying for tiny pictures rather than picking up a fedora to hide your identity and going out to vigilante the shit out of the gaming industry.

Bioshock, in pieces, was a fantastic game. It included a simple but interesting skill tree, classic FPS mechanics, and creative weapons. It featured a sectoral but open level design. It had interesting and intriguing characters and back story. It’s narrative was well presented. But for all these nice touches, they didn’t mesh. Maybe I’m over thinking it, but I believe being critical of anything exposes why it was so good in the first place. Bioshock does not come together as a single whole or as one work. First of all, it was a lackluster RPG. Some people argue it was never an RPG to begin with, They say it was a Shooter. So why were the guns so arduous to shoot? Why was the game 25 hours? The reason a Shooter lasts at most 13 hours is because shooting for another ten is boring. If it was a Shooter, it was poorly paced. Another problem would be, why did we have free form character building, considering the ‘twist’ at the end? If I was a slave, I would be more concerned with kindly doing what I was asked, not wandering around for ADAM. And if I really was a slave all along, why did I do so much wandering? Now, I don’t know how you played the game, but me, I got into an area and the first thing I did was loot and kill everything I could. I even waited for respawns so I could get more. The only reason I ever progressed in the game was because the loading screen was the last door I hadn’t checked. For a slave, I do a piss poor job.

This was my biggest qualm with the game. They throw this dumb plot twist at you completely out of nowhere, like they were arguing with you, got you to swear and shouted “ha I made you swear!”. You walk through the last door in the area, which get’s blocked off once you do, and Fontaine comes on your comm shouting (in a very bad accent) “You were a slave”. Seriously? I couldn’t tell, I’ve been farming ADAM, I wanted to shoot bees, when did I become your slave? Maybe the RPG/Character Building stuff was too add a bit of irony to the situation. Hey, check out our customizable game experience, but wait! You were a slave all along! Maybe that was the case, but I don’t think so. I think Bioshock was trying to hard to be what people wanted it to be, instead of what IT wanted to be. They wanted to be like System Shock, because people loved System Shock. But they wanted it to be like Halo, because people love Halo. How do we combine the two? Keep the open-ish world and RPG elements, introduce the straightforward gunplay and level progression from Halo, 9.0s here I come! Obviously, and this is true with all products, there were compromises. They needed to sell the game, after all. But the game betrayed it’s own ideas. It’s own design. The game was not that intriguing to me. The only reason I made progress was because I was looking for more ADAM. I wanted to make Big Daddies kick other Big Daddy ass… Eventually I made it to the end, but not because I was being compelled by Fontaine’s nasty voice. Because I was trying to do something for me. Max out my stats.

The ability to choose to kill or let live the Little Sisters also betrayed the concept of the game. Just because Fontaine never said “would you kindly kill her” that doesn’t mean it fits right in. Fact is, giving me a dilemma like that (and so many times) contrasts the fact that I’m supposed to be going forward, following orders. I shouldn’t be stopping to choose to help or unhelp anyone. Why am I given a choice if I am a slave? The irony? On top of all this, the ADAM and plasmid system makes it most obvious. Why is my person being turned into whatever I’d like, at whatever points I’d like if I was just told to go to ______ or to collect ______? Why am I not following orders if I really am a slave? I think all this was poorly delivered. You could argue, “well the type of game they wanted to make wouldn’t guarantee the player followed the tracks we set so you have to take it with a grain of salt. Make a huge bottle, but ultimately come out at one narrow end”. Or you could design the game to play the way the story and characters develop. Linear. Tied to a goal without the choice to do other wise. Narrow paths, blocked exits, obvious directions and markings showing where you need to be. Then, you could unlock everything at the end, make it completely open when you stop taking Fontaine’s orders. That way the gameplay would mirror the design of the narrative.

Let’s look at Half Life 1 and 2. People say the plot of these games are not nearly as good as other people have made them out to be. What people do not realize is that Half Life is not just another shooter with a line stolen from every 1970s sci-fi book. It’s a First Person game. Not just a First Person Shooter, but a First Person game. Want to know why the story is so confusing? Because you don’t know what Breen and the slugs have been talking about, what Alyx and Eli and Kleiner have been up to for the last 10 or so years, what Judith does in secret, or what the Vortigaunts can see. You don’t know because you only have a pair of eyes. No ability to travel outside of your body and magically see what everyone else is talking about. The gameplay mirrored the narrative. It was a first person narrative. You got from the story exactly what Gordon had experienced. The gameplay was linear and the story farfetched because there were holes. You weren’t around to see or find out what happened, because you were in a vent instead of floating behind some Commanding Officer in a plane telling his men to kill everyone in Black Mesa. That’s why you don’t understand why the military is out to kill you. The game was designed superbly, and because Bioshock couldn’t take a hint, Half Life not only remains as one of the only games to do this, but probably the best game that’s done this, and to this day, is groundbreaking.

Now take a look at Shadow Of The Colossus. Everything about SotC was designed to push certain feelings and ellicit certain reactions. Why was the world so big? So you would feel small. Why were the Colossi so colossal? So you would feel helpless. Why was their no music outside of the fights? So you would feel lonely. Why was the colour so monotonous? So you would feel sad. Despite having an open world, there was next to nothing to do besides go to the next colossus. Why was there a never a direct route to getting to them (besides the first)? So you could see how much landscape there was, so you could see how insignificant you are. This game featured 3 story cinematics. The starting, the middle, and the end. Somehow, this game pushed more story, more consistently and more powerfully than any game I can think of before it and after it. Players who weren’t paying attention and who didn’t finish it passed it off as being empty and lacking any story at all. How does that explain the wikipages? The discussion that go on every night on some forum about it’s plot and it’s meaning? The game had a very healthy amount of plot considering dialogue was at a minimum and the only two conversations are between the main character and Dormin, and the shaman and his gaurds. The world and the experience and visuals told the story. Wanders deteriorating through out the game, the doves appearing by Mono, the statues counting down, the ruins strewn about the world, all of it told a story, thousands and thousands of years in the making. SotC is the perfect example of design and focus. Made with a purpose and it achieved so much more then people give it credit.

But for whatever reason, the broken Bioshock is selling millions and topping the rankings. I had fun turning the Big Daddies on eachother, I won’t lie. Hacking sentries was cool. The propaganda was funny. But, like I said earlier, seen in pieces the game is fantastic, but as a whole, it failed. Bioshock looked nice. It was well dressed in it’s novelty world. But deep inside it, where it all began on paper, it’s design failed.

2009 is the year, and we’ve got teams all over the bloody shop. MeetYourMakers, Fnatic, Complexity 20ID, Salvo, Dignitas, 4K, Reason and the list trails off into the ether with some successful.. and some less successful pro gaming teams. What does this mean? Does this mean professional gaming is now viable as a career? Can you earn money for headshots in todays world? Will I ever stop name dropping? How many commas can I write before you close this tab? Hit the jump to find out.

As with any story, you have to start at the beginning. The problem with this is, the beginning is a much debated topic. Some would claim it began around 1997 with the birth of leagues such as the much praised Cyberathlete Professional League (CPL). Some would also claim it died in 2007 when the CPL could truck no more. Alot of others would say ‘On my campus we invented pro gaming, we had Quake II Lan parties every week and gave out prizes!’ Thankfully, this is my article. So I’m going to tell you when it started. 1990. I’m aware prior to that numerous events were held, such as the 1987 Video Games Masters tournament, but I don’t care. Because in 1990, Nintendo held the World Championships.

Contrary to the title, the Nintendo World Championships were not actually World Championships. The Nintendo US Championship Tour would be a more fitting name, but I digress. There were age brackets from 11 and under, 12 to 17 and 18+. And if you’ve been into gaming for some time, you’ll certainly know of the famous gold cartridges Nintendo gave out as prizes, which fetch ridiculously high prices now on eBay.

1990 through 1997 was nothing serious. A few local arcade tournaments in the US, Blockbuster did their thing with a few gaming championships through the early 1990’s, but it is in 1997 when the internet exploded. This was the beginning of professional gaming. (The birth and the beginning are two different things my child. Think about it.)

A tournament by the name of Red Annihilation was held, the game was Quake, the host was Micheal Shearon and the prize.. the prize was John Carmack’s very own Ferarri 328 GTS Cabriolet. And the winner? Thresh (Dennis Fong). Some of you may have heard of him, most of you haven’t. Thresh went on to win tournament after tournament, prize after prize and has now co-founded Xfire (which got purchased by Viacom for some $102 million) and is now worth millions of dollars.

Also in 1997, a man named Angel Munoz invented the CPL, hosting Quake II to Quake III and many other tournament focused games. As with any great idea, there were always imitators. The turn of the millenium rolled around and the first World Cyber Games was hosted in Korea, Quake III, Starcraft, Age of Empires II and FIFA 2000 were the games. 174 hopefuls entered to win a part of the total prize share of $20,000 (for comparison, by 2006 the WCG’s total prize fund was $462,000.) And by 2003 the Electronic Sports World Cup began, with 358 participants from 37 different countries entering. The prize fund here was no small feat at €150,000. The ESWC also was the first league to have a game specifically created for it, Trackmania Nations.

In 2006, professional gaming went mainstream. MLG was invented and brought the fight to the consoles, also being the first televised tournament for any league, with Halo 2 being splashed across TV screens nationwide. This year also saw the birth of a CPL spin-off, the World Series of Video Games, which gave host to big names such as the oft-heard Fatal1ty, FoV, Grubby and Team 3D. Times were good, there was money to be had if you had the skill to compete, the fresh blood had never stopped flowing, teams fought hard and shook hands, but times were not to be all smooth sailing.

From 2006 to now, the CPL has managed to die to be succeeded by its sister league, the CAL (Cyberathlete Amateur League). The Championship Gaming Series was invented, and also managed to die, Halo 3 went massive on the console scene and the PC scene has splintered into the best of the best, and the smaller leagues like TWL.

Today, there are literally thousands of teams from every country with decent internet. Only the top 10% of those teams play regularly in leagues, and only the top 4% of those teams manage to find regular sponsorship. It’s not a good idea to go out and say ‘I want to be a pro gamer’ just as in 2004 it was not a good idea to go out and say ‘I want to be a game designer’. But perhaps, in the coming years we will see the rebirth of the CPL and the rise and rise of tournament gaming.

So no, teabagging your friend after he dies and proclaiming ‘pwnt*’ as many times as you can does not make you a professional gamer. A pro is judged by the amount of sponsors he has, the level of sportsmanship he represents and first and foremost, his skill at the game. And go forth, with this knowledge, pick up your keyboards/pads and proceed to get your ass whooped in COD4 some more.

*Fun fact, did you know pwnt is just a mispelling of ownt? Look at your keyboard. See how the O and P are close together?

After playing through Metal Gear Solid 4, I decided it was high time to give the full series another run-through.  So for the first time in years, I played the most controversial game in the series:  Metal Gear Solid 2:  Sons of Liberty.  You can imagine my surprise when I realized it’s actually brilliant.

If you’re unfamiliar with the game, it catches flak for several reasons.  First and foremost, many fans of the first game were displeased with Kojima’s decision to replace Solid Snake with Raiden as the main playable character in the game.  Snake was and is a popular character, and Raiden seemed more like the main character of the latest Final Fantasy than a Metal Gear game.  He’s inexperienced, emotional, and shockingly pretty for a man.  His sappy dialogue with Rose is cringe inducing, and you’re asked to listen to it both at points in the story and every time you want to save.

Next, the plot itself was a point of contention among fans.  The tanker scene that opens the game promised another powerful, action packed story similar to the first game, but the Plant scene that makes up the bulk of the game did not deliver.  It was heady and philosophical, featured plenty of go-nowhere plot twists and bizarre character development that served no purpose at all.  The ending was universally deemed to be anticlimactic and downright confusing, failing to answer any of the questions brought up during the game.

Replaying the game in light of MGS4 is a different experience.  Since that game tied up every loose end in the series, I was less distracted by the unanswered questions, and instead was able to focus on why Kojima made the game the way he did.  For starters, choosing Raiden as the lead was the right decision.  Snake’s development as a character was done for the time being, so he would’ve been a far less dynamic hero compared to the first game.  Moreover, the hero of any Metal Gear game can only know as much as the player, so taking Snake out of our hands allowed him to be a much more competent and knowledgeable character than he could have otherwise been.  Instead, we are given Raiden less as a hero, and more as a window through which the player interacts with the hero.

Raiden was trained by VR missions and a simulation of the Shadow Moses incident, much like the Metal Gear fan who moved on to this game after playing MGS1 and VR Missions on the PS1.  He’s in over his head in such an extreme situation, much like any of us would be.  He’s clueless, which as I pointed out earlier, allowed Snake to play the part of the been-there-done-that, experienced role model to the player, and the only trustworthy voice guiding you through the game.  Basically, Solid Snake is, in fact, the main character of the game- Kojima said it himself in an interview, pointing out that the game begins and ends with with Snake’s monologue.  Raiden, however, is you.  Metal Gear Solid was the game where the player was allowed to be Snake, and Metal Gear Solid 2 was the game where the player fights alongside Snake, viewing his story from an outside perspective.  If you need any further proof that this was Kojima’s intent, look to the scene in the ending where Raiden pulls out a dog tag- with your name on it.  Even as a character, really, Raiden’s not as bad as people claim.  He’s dynamic, and actually very likable by the end of the game.  He just makes a bad first impression with that “nerd” comment.

As for the plot itself, several of the complaints lobbied against it are valid (did we really need to know about Otacon and his step mother, for instance?).  The storyline as a whole, however, is one of the best and most ballsy ever contained in a video game.  It leads the player to believe, during the Big Shell scenes, that the game is more flawed than it is.  You’ll undoubtedly notice that the flow of events is extremely similar to the first game’s, but whether you mark it as a flaw or just accept it as the way video game sequels go, you simply shrug it off.  That is, until Ocelot’s big reveal at the end of the game.

In a scene that probably contains more double-crossings than anything else I’ve ever seen, Solidus Snake reveals that his entire plan was not to obtain Arsenal Gear and hold the world ransom (as well as confirming what the player already knew- that the idea of a purified hydrogen bomb is pretty stupid), but to obtain the names and locations of the Patriots.  Or so he thinks, until Ocelot drops a bombshell: the entire Big Shell incident was actually an intentional recreation of the Shadow Moses Incident from MGS1, including everything from the commanding officer being an AI version of Roy Campbell, an opposing team of unique special ops, every important character the player is to rescue being killed (one even in a method similar to FOXDIE, when Ames’ pacemaker is remotely shut down), to the presence of a Snake at the head of it all.

Ocelot incorrectly asserts that the intention was to create a soldier on the level of Solid Snake, but in the codec calls that follow, the Patriots point out that a single soldier, no matter how powerful, is of little use to them.  It was actually a test for a prototype information-control system they’d developed, which would eventually evolve into the Sons of the Patriots system in MGS4.  They created an extreme set of circumstances and controlled not only the flow of information to the public, but the actions of everyone involved, Raiden most of all.  They gave you your orders, and you did everything they asked you to without question.  And then, even knowing that Solidus is doing the right thing by trying to liberate the country from the Patriots control, you kill him on their behalf.  And so, MGS2 goes down as a resounding victory for the bad guys.

If you’re thinking part of that twist sounds familiar, you’re right.  MGS2 did the Bioshock twist six years before Bioshock.  It gets no credit for it, probably because it was only a footnote in MGS2’s bizarre ending, whereas in Bioshock it’s the entire point of the game.

What makes this such a fantastic twist, however, is the realization that, even though you thought Kojima was a hack, he had your number all along.  You thought you were smarter than the game, but he was leading you to believe that the entire time.  Whether you love it or hate it, you have to admit the game’s ending was beyond memorable- from the fourth wall breaking codec calls once GW is affected by the worm cluster, to the downright frightening conversation with the Patriots before the final boss (notable also for being the only time in the series they actually speak).

There are some issues with the game that have healed with time, thanks to the release of the fourth installment.  Ocelot being taken over by Liquid through his severed arm is very strange, but if you finished MGS4 then it’s no longer an issue.  Same with the identity of the Patriots, as they claim to be beings of information born in the “primordial soup” of the white house walls.  Again, playing MGS4 pulls back the metaphors to show us their true identity and back story.  Other things, like Fortune’s ability to deflect missiles even after losing the technology that did it for her, shouldn’t have ever been an issue in the first place.  The Metal Gear universe allows for psychic powers, and I don’t recall anyone having a problem with Psycho Mantis using them.

The game is worth revisiting, especially if you’re one of the people who had such a strong distaste for it at first.  I’m not claiming it’s perfect, but it was extremely ambitious and, I believe, far ahead of its time.  Kojima certainly deserves more credit than he’s gotten for having the guts to tell a story like this, especially for having faith that the gaming community would appreciate it when most view us as mouth-breathing idiots playing with violent toys.

Are you ready to tread through horrible voice acting and predictable story line to get to the mech on mech action? Hope you are because Robot Alchemic Drive (RAD) for the Playstation 2 contains all the above; developed by Sandlot and published by Enix (not Square Enix you pre-teen gaming mongoloid). RAD offers something different to the mech fans out there as well to those who are nostalgic for bad anime dubbing.

RAD is the definition of bad voice acting and b-movie plot. The game offers the perspective of three heroes, which all play the same, have the exact same background and story – with minor differences. The game takes place in a parallel universe where space travel is impossible due to some space radiation that kills living things and one day some alien race decides to invade Earth with giant robots and you must defeat them with your very own giant robot called a Meganite. The game advances through like episodes in an anime. You are given a news cast about giant robots, then something about high school life then robots – the typical old anime formula. Though the story does get the job done to move the game forward, it’s not in any way interesting and tends to be predictable, but there are some points the game where you can change the outcome of things depending on what you do.

The voice acting is absolutely horrendous. At certain points in the game, I swear they’re just doing it on purpose because it’s nearly impossible to act that badly. If they’re doing it on purpose, does that mean there are people out there that actually like the bad dubbing of old anime from the seventies and eighties? If you like it old school, then it will bring back nostalgia; if you don’t, then you’ll be laughing at it because it’s so bad, it’s like watching Plan 9 From Outer Space; but if you can’t stand it, prepare to endure it as there are no skippable cut scenes, only fast-forwarding, even at some parts you can’t even fast-forward so patience is a requirement. At some points of the game, it really does feel like you’re playing a bad anime as some episodes will have no action all and will deal the story – how boring – it’s just good that these episodes are also very short.

Now the mech fun as RAD offers something different every other mech game and that something different is the fact you don’t pilot the mech, you control it with a remote. What does that exactly mean? It means you better get use to running around as a little hero while in the heat of battle just to get a good vantage point to see all the action. Despite all that, it isn’t actually much of a chore, just go to a high place and you’re good to go. There are two control schemes for the game, easy mode and normal mode. Normal mode is the way to go as it tends to be more precise and overall better for combat, just takes time to get use to. Before going off into this episodic mech anime adventure, you must choose what mech you get and what hero you play. You get to choose from three mechs and characters, balance mech, fast mech and heavy mech. Then the characters, average teenager, the cool suit wearing teenager or the girl; doesn’t really matter, the characters all play the same.

Now once you get to actually control your mech, you will notice that you don’t use the analog sticks or the d-pad to move; instead you control each leg and arm individually. Pressing L1 and R1 alternatively makes your mech walk, each controlling their respective legs while the analog sticks control the arms. Punching consists of pressing down then up or doing semi-circles with the analog sticks. At first, this is going to be very awkward but it does slowly feel fluid and easy. The other buttons shoot missiles, lasers, and transform. Playing around for the first time while make your giant robot walk funny like a five year old making a stop-motion video with action figures. The same goes for the enemies they take damage from your wildly flailing arms, so at first, the action may seem laughable, which may be the case. But it is all very fun to do; the game is genuinely fun as game mechanics make it very different from any other game and the action is great.

Besides the story mode, you can go head to head with a friend and have an awkward game of arm flailing or an intense mech battle – all depending if you know how to play. The head to head mode can be very fun, especially those who enjoy giant robots beating the crap out of each other.

The presentation of the game is a bit cheap, besides the acting. The graphics are acceptable, not atrocious in any way. The environments are destructible so wrecking havoc with your giant robot can be fun all on its own. The buildings are like cardboard though and then break like glass. People can be seen running through the streets which can be squished with an unreasonably amount of blood pouring out. The blood isn’t all the glorifying as it tends to spray out like a giant mist. The sounds in the game are superb as it tends to make it feel like real robots; the music on the other hand is not as great, but not bad either.

Overall the game is good for the game play alone and those who enjoy giant robots in any shape or form. If you’re a big mech fan, go out and get it; everyone else might enjoy the game if they can get past the story and voice acting.

Etrian Odyssey 1 & 2

I’m not gonna lie to you. If you want a challenge, if you want a serious RPG, then this is the game for you. There aren’t flashy graphics, there are only stats, items, monsters and a very cool map-making system. You and your party of adventurers goes down into a dungeon few go into to find the treasure. You can pick classes, have as many members as you want. but can only carry a few around. The monsters get viciously difficult to kill very quickly. The battle system is your standard turns based on speed/surprise factor. Lots of fun, but I’m warning you now: Almost as addictive as an MMO(but so much cheaper!). I thoroughly enjoyed them, even if the god damn F.O.E.s obliterated me for days.

Persona 3 (FES), 4

If you like jRPGs at all, I’m sure you’ve heard about these. I honestly haven’t played the first two, but I do know that they were changed pretty drastically to appeal to Western audiences. These weren’t.

These game is broken up into two different parts: Dungeons and Towns.  In dungeons, you fight. Turn-based battles involving your party members and you either attacking with your weapon or summoning your Persona, a representation of your soul, to preform magic that uses HP(Physical magic) or SP(Special magic). In towns, you can socialize and make social links, one of the big parts of making strong Personas, buy stuff and increase your social attributes, allowing you to make more social links.

There is a really really really big difference between these two games, however.

In P3, you only directly control the Main Character in battle, and in P4, you can, if you choose, to control your entire party manually.  This was a big step for me, and a bit of a sad one. If you choose to play these games, play Persona 3 before you play Persona 4, because you will NEVER be able to play 3 again.

Despite Aegis being the most fuckable robot ever.

The World Ends With You

I’m pretty sure I’ve said I don’t like SquareEnix. If I didn’t, then here it is.

I really hate SquareEnix.

But they still make some good games sometimes. This one proves that.

TWEWY is a very interesting DS game. You play as Neku, as well as Shiki, Joshua and Beat. The three characters that change change with the scenario in game, but Neku is playable the entire time. The battle system is very VERY interesting. Neku is on the bottom screen, and one of the other three is on the top screen. Neku is controlled with the stylus by tapping, slashing and making circles. The top screen is controlled with the control pad or face buttons. The enemies on either screen are the same and share HP. When you kill something on the top or bottom screen, it dies on the other. Thankfully, you don’t HAVE to control both of the screens at once, the top screen goes to auto play(or not) after 6 – .5 seconds. Pick this game up, or you’ll be so Zetta sorry!

Fallout 3

I’m sure if you’ve head my first “Play These Games” you’d have seen I pissed a good week away on this game… and I’m still putting time into it.  In this game, you play as a custom young man/woman from Vault 101. The setting for this game is bleak at best: 2277 is post apocalyptic Washington D.C. Everything has been destroyed and new stuff has popped up.

First thing you come across is giant mutated mole things that, while not difficult to subdue, look rather scary. Your part in this game is simple: Be good, be bad, or be someone no one cares about. The game is so damn open-ended it isn’t even funny. You get awesome weapons, from the plasma pistol to the Fatman, a mini-nuke slingshot and you can even make your own weapons with schematics you find. The big thing in this game, though, is the main story.

It’s compelling, depressing, hilarious and infuriating. The one thing I found angry about the game is the ending does not allow you to continue after you finish the main quest. Now, this is a very open ended game, a damn good one… Now why is there an ending with no continuation? Why is there no alternative because you can bring a character to the ending that could complete the task as easy as you and live!

Sometimes, I wonder if developers do shit like that to games just to get reactions like mine from the players.

Last one for today:

Pokemon (Series)

Like you didn’t see that one coming eventually.

That’s right. A whole damn series. You need to play ALL of them. You’re a kid starting off in a little backwoods town and you wanna be the very best like no one ever was. You can start with any one of three Pokemon, and go on your journey. It’s hard, it’s long, it’s fun, and it never ever ends. There are nearly 500 Pokemon to catch today, and more to come soon. There are tournaments, the newest versions support wifi battles and trades, and there’s a new version coming out in mid-March to screw over everyone who bought one of the other two versions released last year.

Oh, Nintendo… I love giving you my money.

Alright, I think I gave you enough to chew on this time. Think about it!

Don’t forget my good ‘ol radio up there under “Live Streams”!

Till next time!

Jumpluff~

Written for GIANT ENEMY BLOG

Elite Beat Agents/Ouendan

If you haven’t heard of EBA, you probably need to come out of your cave. This game is totally amazing. The song selection is a bit… Odd, yes, but solid. Every second of this game is hilarious. The EBA go around the world and cheer on people who are in tough situations. How this would help someone steal back plans for their business or help a cat save a baby from a construction zone is beyond me, but I won’t complain. The game gives you numbered circles, and you have to tap them in sequence and rhythm with the playing song. Easy, right? For a while, sure, but you’ll be crying when you fail at the last stretch of “Without a Fight”. This game is on the DS only, has an American version(EBA) and two Japanese versions with different characters, scenarios, music, but that same awesome gameplay. There’s even a custom song game with gameplay very much like it on the PC called “Osu!”, but unless you have a touch screen PC you’re gonna be mousin’ it.

Dance Dance Revolution!

If you’ve ever even seen someone play this game, you’d know what I’m talking about. This game is everywhere from arcades to Gamecube and even the original Xbox. There’s enough remixes and such to put Final Fantasy to shame. Pick a song and step on the dance mat. You get arrows coming at the top of the screen and you have to step on the arrows on the mat as they hit the ones up top. Simple? Sure, just set it on heavy and we;ll see how simple it gets.  The song selection in more recent titles has degraded a bit, but it’s not like the gameplay is any different. This is on damn near any console you can find since the Playstation, and with every mix of music you can imagine.

Parappa the Rapper (2)

Ever play a rhythm game with ORIGINAL music? I know, not uncommon, but every song in Parappa from Cheep Cheep the Cooking Chicken to the Hair Scare are not only catchy, but funny and well suited for the situation. You’re the rising rapper Parappa trying to win the lovely Sunny Funny’s heart. Why a dog loves a flower, I’ll never know… Anyway, in your adventures Parappa comes across snags where he’s gotta raise money to buy a new car or bake a cake… This is where the RAP MASTERS come in. The rap master and Parappa have a rap off and Parappa has to win in order to get shit done! Sometimes Parappa sounds a little inquisitive about what he’s doing, but it’s all good. Just make sure you have awesome rhythm or you ain’t gonna get nowhere in this game. The original Parappa is on the PS1 and PSP, number two is PS2 only for now.

AudioSurf

This game is beautiful, and that’s just part of it. Audiosurf uses your own music, something not many music games do. The game makes a personal track for every song, you choose a car and difficulty and you’re set for the next song duration. The point of this game is to make color clusters of the same color as you go down this track, see? The vehicle you choose can give you different abilities to aid you in doing this. One vehicle pushes the blocks into different lanes, another can share them for later, and one can erase block you don’t want. This game is cheap. Like, $10 cheap. If you don’t own this, then just end yourself because not only is this beautiful, it’s fun and it uses your own music. Give the director of this a medal because he deserves one.

I wanted to add in a few more, but I have yet to play Gitaroo Man and Guitar Hero is over rated.

So play these~

Till next time!

Jumpluff~

Written for GIANT ENEMY BLOG

Duke Nukem 3D

If you’ve ever played a Duke Nukem game, you’d know why I’m recommending it. The games are pretty damn good. You play as the lovable Duke, who returns from fighting aliens to find his lovable planet turned into a not so lovable wasteland. You gotta shoot the aliens up, saves the babes, watch the porn, drink the brews. The game has an amazing sense of humor, quoting movies like Dirty Harry and Duke’s phrases. If anything, pick this one up for the laughs. It’s originally on the PC where it has a ton of expansions, and it was on the PS1, N64 and a few other consoles under different names.

Halo: Custom Edition

That’s right, I said it. This is a PC only game of awesome proportions, mostly because it’s customizable. There are Zelda mods, a Metroid Prime mod in the making, and in all actuality, Halo has good multiplayer anyway. If you have an old Halo: Combat Evolved CD(Or .exe, I won’t tell…), find the download.

The Orange Box

Alright, alright… This isn’t just one game… It’s five. Five REALLY good games. If you don’t have this, go get it now.

Like, RIGHT now.

This box contains the most complete Half-Life 2 collection to date, Portal, and Team Fortress 2. And for $50, probably less since it’s been out well over a year, that’s just  a plain rip-off.Half-Life 2 and it’s Episodes are awe-inspiring shooters telling how Dr. Gordan Freeman is attempting to save and rebuild the world after the hostile take over of the Combine. Portal is a puzzle shooter where you use, you guessed it, portals to move things and yourself around a closed environment to hit switches and such. Team Fortress 2 is the sequel to Team Fortress Classic, an online only team based shooter. Nine classes give you a roster of near endless possibilities for support, defense and offense.

Here’s one thing though: PLAYING AS ONLY A SNIPER ON 2FORT ISN’T COOL, DON’T DO IT. EVER.

Resident Evil 4

Alright, whoever marketed this game as horror is a damn idiot. It’s got a scary setting, but the action is happening so fast you won’t have time to be scared. Except for a few parts.

You play as Leon Kennedy, a sarcastic badass sent from the U.S. to find the president’s daugter, Ashley.

You get an over the shoulder view on this one. It fits the game well. You got your guns and you got a deadly knife. The inventory really gives it a little more of a survival feel, even if the merchant sells you a bigger one. Anyway, so you’re in Spain, killing insane infected Spaniards and they catch you and Ashley and load you full of them, too. Fun stuff! You now not only need to escape, but find the antidote on your way out. You’ll come across a few different kind of angry Spaniard from Farmer, to Cult Member to Crazy Mohawk Biker with Machine Gun. Most of the game, you have to protect the president’s daughter from being killed or taken away, sometimes a bother, but nothing too serious. The game has lots of cool things to get for beating it a number of times, like a mobster-type getup for Leon and a suit of armor for Ashley that makes that part where you snipe the cuff off of her SOOOO much easier. Anyway, this baby here is for the Gamecube, PS2, PC and Wii… I’d recommend the Wii version, myself. Easy controls, and the best graphics you can get for it.

Bioshock

This game is pretty damn sweet. You have some Irish guy talking to you the entire game, and you re-write your DNA via magic vials.

Now, when I first played this game it was at a party and I couldn’t tell what the guy was sayings, but I know he was telling you to do stuff… But when you get to the first Plasmid and inject it into yourself, he doesn’t tell you to do it. Anyway, you’re in an Atlantis kind of place, only instead of a thriving utopia… You have a dump. Mr. Ireland tells you you have to either rescue or harvest all these children called “Little Sisters”. However, each one is guarded by a Big Daddy, a large brute in an old fashioned scuba suit with hooks/drills/pain for arms and such. I have to admit, for as tough as they look, they’re pretty easy to take out. Anyway, you harvest or rescure these Little Sisters, get more genetic code magic so you can do new things, some guns, a wrench and an underwater world. This game is longer than Dead Space, but still a little short, but I guess that’s because all I did was play it till I beat it. This one’s a keeper, good story, good gameplay, good graphics, good setting… What’s to go wrong?

Welp, that’s all for shooters for today. I’m giving you enough games for a long time every time anyway. Hoho.

Don’t forget to listen to my radio up there in “Live Streams”!

Till next time!

Jumpluff~

Written for GIANT ENEMY BLOG

NanoBreaker was released on the Playstation 2 a few years ago by Konami. It failed miserably. At least I think it did. Mostly because I got it for five dollars. The awful thing is, this game is easily worth ten dollars.

The main gimmicks of NanoBreaker are the truly excessive, downright silly blood splatter and the titular weapon, an fancy energy beatstick with the ability to shift into different weapons during special attacks.

The mechanics are solid, though far from impressive. It’s a generic action beat-em-up deal. Throw combos at monsters, advance. Luckily, a couple of interesting things are thrown in to keep you from having Streets of Rage flashbacks.

As you progress, you’ll receive Fancy Powerup Things that allow you to unlock new combos and special attacks in the order you want. This doesn’t actually mean much, but it provides just a tiny bit of interaction with what would otherwise be a static movelist.

The other twists are the Action Dealies and the Grabby Thing. The Action Dealies which are special effects that you can have equipped. One allows your block to reflect lasers, one makes it easier to use special attacks with your Grabby Thingy, and so forth. The Grabby Thing launches out and grabs things, Scorpian style. Pull enemies out of the sky and wail on them, use it to bring one member of a tough crowd to you to fight it one-on-one, stuff like that. Basically, it’s DMC4’s gimmick, just a couple of years earlier and done better.

Hey, and if you love block pushing puzzles, get ready for the BALL INCINERATING EXCITEMENT OF BLOCK PUZZLES WHERE YOU GRAPPLING HOOK THE BLOCKS INSTEAD OF JUST PUSHING THEM.

Alright, the game is decent. Enough of that shit. Back to the transform-o-lightsaber and enemies made entirely of blood and the enigmatic spurt boson. Simply put, this game is bloody. Not disturbing, just… has blood everywhere. Enough blood to make you wonder if your goofy ass robot ninja angel character can swim. Gallon upon gallon of blood is pumped at high speed out of everything you wound and kill, and enemies are numerous. This game has so much blood that they were considerate enough to put in a blood color option. With like fifty damn colors. Including random, where every enemy will bleed a different color. For when you want to feel like you’re slaughtering an enclave of wicked fairies or something. Literally painting the room with rainbow gore.

And there’s a transforming lightsaber thing, for fucks sake. If you have five bucks, pick it up.