Presenting…

…The Top Five Signs That a DLC Should Have Just Been Free

Brought to you by Fedora Man

Well it finally April and you have to love how easy it is to open an article with the lines “so it’s finally whatever month we’re in right now”. It’s time for the next step in my great journey to earn money through a video game blog. Now I know you might be wondering “I thought you had billions! Were you lying to me?” The answer is of course, no. Stupid. Why would I make something like that up? But the difference between that money and the money I’ll earn on this site is I actually had to do work to earn it, unlike my corporation where I really don’t do any work at all. I can show all my friend “yeah this is the ten dollars I earned THROUGH WORK!” and if they say that they also have a job and have made more money, I’ll pull out my emergency one million dollars that I always keep stashed in my pants and laugh at them, probably while rubbing the money all over myself. (continue reading…)

Lately, I’ve been hearing a lot of bullshit about this generation sucking and people waxing nostalgic about the last gen as the pinnacle of gaming. Let me just say, I’ve been around the block for a long time. I can assure you, this generation isn’t as good as the last generation; Not because this generation sucks, but because it isn’t even over yet. We are only 3/4 years into what will ultimately be an approximately a 10 year generation. Now, I’m going to field a couple of complaints about this generation and tell you why you all suck for complaining.

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A game is supposed to be enjoyable. When I play a game, I play it for fun. Even when I go to a tournament and play for money I’m still playing for fun. If playing a game isn’t fun, then you should really put the controller down and pick up what does turn your crank.

That being said,  something that doesn’t always make a game enjoyable is the graphics. Sure, graphics can be nice, especially in a game where it serves a purpose. However, in my time, I have heard far too many people tell me that they wouldn’t play a game simpily because it wasn’t top notch graphics or it didn’t push the hardware of the machine to the max. Why would you wanna do that to your machine?

If a game is fun and has good graphics, that’s great, but what if it’s not the best image capture top notch stuff? Some games look amazing even without the magic of the third dimension. Ever take a look at Cave Story? The game would pass for a SNES game, the gameplay is something that’s involving and fun, and the story, while confusing at first, will have you in tears.  Ever take a look at Sonic the Hedgehog on the PS3 and 360? I’m a huge Sonic fan and this game, while very pretty, was a nightmare to play. Sonic clips through curbs, jumps make him slow to a near stop and a personal killer for me: I can see his feet the entire time. I never ever wanna see Sonic’s feet when he’s running. Ever.
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One of the most innovative and clever little games of 2008, World of Goo’s soundtrack is now free for all to obtain and listen to, free of charge and free of that awful guilty feeling you get from the evil, evil world of piracy.

Personally I actually really like the soundtrack, not outstanding when compared against other games such as Metal Gear Solid, Bionic Commando Rearmed or even Pheonix Wright, but listening to any track is 100% guaranteed to make you want to solve a puzzle shortly after.

Get it here.

Crowned as one of the hardest games for the original Nintendo, Ninja Gaiden brings back a lot of fond memories for me. Growing up in a house where video games and computers were the norm, my Dad introduced me to most of the games on the NES. He usually picked them up from yard sales around the area during the early 90’s. Ninja Gaiden was one of them. Being intrigued by ninjas at a young age, with Ninja

Turtles and the like, I was determined to beat this game. At the time, I certainly realized how frustrating it was learning all the patterns, getting skilled with using the various weapons you could throw. I’m pretty sure I flung out my first string of curse words at this game.

My mother would yell at me for cursing, but I didn’t care, it became commonplace for me to express my frustration that way. In the beginning of trying to conquer this impossible game, I got so excited when I reached the end of the second stage. Watching the anime-style cutscene go by rewarded me for my arduous efforts. I soon reached the third stage, fourth, each time progressing with hidden skills. I learned how to climb back up a wall when I accidentally missed a jump, by flicking the D-Pad quickly left and right. I learned how to throw a boomerang star and time each of the jumps in the stage so that it would swirl around me, creating a maelstrom of destruction as I quickly ran through each level. I found out that with the boss with the spinning sickle, I could get hit and bounce up higher on the wall so that he freaks out, spins the other way, and I could jump over him and take him out easier. (continue reading…)

Since my Wii has been collecting dust for the last, oh, six or seven months, I decided to be a good consumer and buy a couple of WiiWare games to put my neglected console to use.

Learn from my mistake.

First up: HELIX

I’m a big fan of rhythm games. Oh no, don’t give me that look. I didn’t hop on the music game bandwagon when Guitar Hero or Rock Band came out. Have you ever played Drummania? Guitar Freaks? Keyboardmania? IIDX? Pop ‘n Music? No? Shut up then.

I’m getting off track. When I saw a WiiWare dancing game, I immediately thought “Dance Dance Revolution”. At its heart, yes, HELIX tries to be DDR, except instead of a dance pad, you use two Wiimotes and arm gestures. A little guy dances on screen, and you’re supposed to mimic his movements a split second after he performs them. The game boasts that it tracks all of your movements, ranging from swinging your arms around to hooks and uppercuts. Yes, hard mode is a bit of a workout.

Does it deliver though? Short answer: No. You can literally stand there and do jumping jacks, and the game will register the movements as correct. The Wii simply does not have the motion tracking capabilities to recognize advanced movements, but whoever put together HELIX’s marketing campaign seems to have overlooked this fact.

Verdict: It’s an interesting concept (using two Wiimotes at once), but the execution is ultimately flawed. If that Wiimote gyroscope addon thing had already been released, this game might have been a little more interesting. As it is now, it’s just another “alternative workout” game hoping to cash in on Wii Fit’s success. Don’t bother.

Next up, a WiiWare game worth buying.

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Most of us know about the attempted invasion thirty years ago, and how the Core Cannon – humanity’s greatest hope back then – successfully fended off the threat of UFOs and pixellated aliens. Victory against the Space Invaders means peace for humanity right? Wrong.

Three decades have passed, and humans being humans, started to fight amongst themselves over the Core Cannon, the weapon that was supposed to bring peace to the world. Seeing that the Earthlings are too busy bombing each other to notice any alien threat, the embittered Space Invaders have started plotting their revenge. Now with better planning and attack formations, Taito’s Space Invaders are back…and this time no bunker will save anything who gets in their way. (continue reading…)

Welcome to Freeware Editions: Cave Story, in which I will point you, the reader, in the direction of free games you should play. In this first edition is a very well put together game (which most of you should have heard of, and if you haven’t – you need to play this game!)

Cave Story is an action adventure/shooter game brought to you by a one man development team – Studio Pixel. Quote, the main character, shoots his way through hordes of blue blobs (and other evildoers) in a battle of truth and justice to save Mimigas (humanoid rabbit type creatures) against an evil doctor! If it sounds epic, that is because the game is simply that – epic on a very large scale.

My vague plot analysis aside, there actually is a plot – and it is decent, if not above average. I don’t usually get swayed by plots or characters in videogames, but I ended up falling in love with the Mimigas and disliking the Doctor.

As for gameplay, overall, it’s quite good. The game is not that difficult, although there are a couple spots where the difficulty spikes a little. The controls are very tight, there are a plethora of different weapons to choose from, and there is more than one ending to the game. What’s even greater is that there happens to be an optional dungeon at the end, aptly called Hell (and believe me, it deserves that title).

The graphics are fitting and well done. It is obvious that Pixel put in a lot of effort to make the game look as polished as it does, and the music is simply remarkable.

What makes the game remarkable is the reception it received upon release. Many magazines and blogs have praised Cave Story, and thus made it one of the most popular free games today. For many, this is the first ‘freeware indie’ game that they play. Cave Story’s impact on the gaming world can be seen today, as more and more gamers are taking it upon themselves to create their own games.

To put it simply, Cave Story might not be the best game ever, but it is still very deserving of a playthrough. If that can’t convince you, it’s free!

Cave Story is available for the PC, and has been ported to Linux, OSX, the PSP, and many other places that I don’t know about. There is also a WiiWare version coming out sometime soon, with improved graphics and music.

You can find anything you need at cavestory.org, a tribute site to the game.