While Sony has made several blunders in the current gen console war one of the biggest was allowing Call of Duty 4 to go multi-platform. The game has become such a runaway success that it could have single-handedly changed the face of the war as we know it. Perhaps equally as big was allowing Grand Theft Auto 4 to go multi-platform. Although the game sold about 45/55%  on the PS3 and Xbox 360 respectively, there are rumblings that the next installment in the GTA series may become a Playstation exclusive by default.

Wait, what the hell are you talking about?

As has been documented, Rockstar was notably unhappy with the limitations of the DVD-9 format on the Xbox 360 and how it affected GTA 4. As we’ve all seen though, both versions of the game are practically the same. The rumblings this time around though are seem to be much more boisterous. Early rumours have Rockstar threatening to not release GTA5 on the Xbox, but that begs the question: Why? Why sacrifice all the money you would undoubtedly make by only creating the game for one console?

Although one can never account for backroom dealings and shattered business relationships, there is really only one answer.

They want their game to be good.

Was GTA4 lacking on the Xbox 360? Of course not. It was Game of the Year. It recieved rave reviews across the board. But could it have been better? WOULD it have been better if it had only been released for a single console? Of course. This applies to any game released on any console exclusively though. What makes this time around special is that the GTA developers may in fact be willing to part with the extra revenue in order to better perfect their craft which seems absolutely ludicrous in our current economic standings. It is not to say that Rockstar would be the first group to sacrifice sales for art. It is however to say that doing so now could prove to be an earth shaking event that has an indelible effect on how Video Games are made.

In a world driven by profit, and in an industry not well renowned for being bohemian, this kind of move would be as surprising as it would be dramatic. A triple-A developer openly supporting both their own art and A specific console could sway other third party developers to do the same. It would also give other developers a comfortable “out” to abandon a platform they wouldn’t want to develop on for fear of not returning enough profit. After all, in such hard economic times, it’s surprising that more companies aren’t already doing this and attributing it towards a need for the betterment of the game as opposed to monetary restrictions. Keep in mind as well, if Halo 3, Gears of War and Metal Gear Solid 4 have shown us anything, exclusive games can still sell ridiculously well regardless of being exclusive.

That being said, the whole “pursuing art” argument could simply be an excuse from Rockstar after the fact. Rockstar has a contractual obligation to produce 3 exclusive games for the PS3 as reported by the Hiphopgamer (through an interview with an industry insider) and other sources. We know one of these games is Agent, another one of these games may supposedly be the somewhat forgotten L.A. Noire, a sandbox game set in the 1930’s. GTA 5 would probably be not all that different than 4 regardless of development time and console exclusivity, and if L.A. Noire is factored in, that would mean all of the three promised exclusives would be off the table.

If one wanted to be even more pessimistic, this could be seen as also be seen as a moving away from Microsoft has the prime conduit for producing games. Take-Two openly denied Microsoft’s exclusivity bid for Bioshock 2 while EA is now releasing Dead Rising 2 on the PS3. Capcom has also recently confirmed a concurrent release of Lost Planet 2. Along with a slew of exclusives for the PS3, this could seem very dramatic, but there are still a lot of positives for the Xbox.

Don't worry cousin, beeg American teetee's will probably come to all platforms (minus Wii)

Even though EA has clearly made Dead Rising 2 multi-platform, the status of Mass Effect is still up in the air. Microsoft also has Epic, Bethesda and VALVe onboard as companies who are much more enamored with Microsoft than they are with Sony. And of course, staying with the pessimism, Microsoft has one very, very big asset. A seemingly inexhaustible amount of money. Everyone has their price, and a company as rich as Microsoft can probably name yours.

Microsoft made Rockstar rich. Rockstar took at least 30% of every sale from the GTA4 expansion pack, along with the millions of dollars they recieved from the exclusivity deal itself. Ultimately, beyond all of this industry wheeling and dealing as well as speculation, it just doesn’t seem like anyone can resist the siren song of the greenback. Perhaps that’s why I find it so interesting that the such a bohemian notion can be expressed by Rockstar. Even with evidence showing that it could be legitimate and genuine (undoubtedly in the exclusivity of Agent), I’m still not convinced that such dedication to art can even exist in our modern day industry. If it does come to pass though. it might just spur on the innovation and advancement in the industry that some believe is lacking. And if this kind of innovation can occur when times are tough, imagine how sweet it could be in times of plenty.

• Halo: Reach.  New Halo game (there’s a big surprise)  I’ve already read the Halo books, so I know how this one plays out.  So, on top of ODST, that’s two Halo games coming out.  Maybe Bungie should, I dunno, try something new?  At this rate they’re going to milk that cash cow to death.
• Project Natal.  The 360 is getting motion controls, but with a twist:  You are the controller.  Supposedly provides advanced motion recognition.  Sounds like the Eye Toy to me, so I’m not holding my breath.
• Metal Gear Solid Rising.  Oh look, a 360-exclusive Metal Gear title (starring Raiden).  PS3 owners everywhere weep.
• Gears of Metroidvania.  I don’t remember what the title of this game was, but it’s being produced by Epic for the XBox Live Marketplace.
• Some cart game.  Coming soon to XBox Live Marketplace – A free cart racing game!  You just have to pay for extra levels and cars.
• Alan Wake.  Survival Horror.  Looks promising.  Also looks like Silent Hill.
• Social Media Integration.  Soon you’ll be able to access Facebook and Twitter right from your dashboard.  Whee.
• Better video on demand.  Something about 1080p and coverage in new countries.  Wasn’t really paying attention.
• Milo.  Freakish “electronic companion” native to the uncanny valley being developed by Peter Molyneux.  Supposedly understands you and can talk back.  It’s like you really have a friend!
• Forza thing game.  Racing game.  Allows you to customize your cars.  Supposedly fosters communities among children.  It’s a racing game.
• Left 4 Dead 2.  Very short and vague clip.  I think they’re adding chainsaws.

Other games were shown during the presentation, but that’s all that really stood out for me.

Oh yeah, Steven Speilberg showed up at some point, right about the time I got bored and went to the gym.

Nintendo broke away from competition with Sony and, new arrival, Microsoft with what some call the “Blue Ocean” business strategy. The Blue Ocean strategy is the metaphor of leaving a “red ocean” (one dyed by the blood of competition) for unclaimed waters filled with the potential for creating new demand. From a business stand point this brave (or stupid) move has paid off and now Xbox 360 and Playstation 3 are competing for second place.

Nintendo managed to succeed because they did something more than incrementally improve and repurpose old features. Yes, Gentle Reader, I’m talking about the “I” word, innovation. It’s debatable if the Wii controller is a true innovation as some gamers will still belittle it and mock it, but from a business standpoint it’s a successful change that’s brought in tremendous profit. Nintendo is as guilty as everyone else of giving us sequels by the truck load, most games in each series offer something new every one or two games. In truth, sequels are not really a bad thing as long as they are different enough that it stands on its own or adds to the previous experience.

This is the potential folly faced by Microsoft and Sony. If both companies continue to try and outdo the other, this means they have to rely on the other to show them where it is they are going. As mentioned before, it’s a tradition in the game industry to play copy cat with your opponents and then sell what they made for a lower price or with something more appealing attached. The game Sony and Microsoft are playing is the equivalent of trying to race someone you’re following to an unknown finish line.

If the two titans do not exercise some real creative muscle and insight, they run the risk of choking their audiences’ current interest. History has shown that strokes of genius like Katamari Damacy are not that common and while they may be risky or appear too weird, it’s that their quirkiness that aid to its success. The first GTA games offered sandbox gameplay, but GTA 3 took the top down world and made it more accessible by giving the player more dimensions to see everything. This reinvention (or innovation) has made the name Grand Theft Auto globally known.

Rehashed games, or those that don’t provide much of a new gaming experience, can poison a series or genre. If the games they make for the “core” gamer are not more than uninventive sequels the interest will dissolve and the audience will vanish or develop new preferences. The market has become swamped with First Person Shooters and while some may feel that’s not bad, it clearly demonstrates that developers are vying for the attention of a certain niche while alienating possibilities. As mentioned before, even if Nintendo did not stir up this casual boom, the publishers seemed to become more focused on producing games they KNOW will sell then those that can expand the market.

When we consider that the Xbox 360 has introduced its Mii-like “Avatars” and has begun promoting its “family friendly games” and that the Playstation 3 has its “six axis” controller and demonstrated a recent swelling of fresh but casual Playstation Store games their actions foreshadow that the duo are once again trying to outdo the other as they look for the path Nintendo made. Sony and Microsoft could just stick with the audience that has carried them to their current success, but like I proposed in part 1, only a fool (or altruistic gamer) would turn down the easy money casual games bring in.

I’d expect the next Microsoft console to utilize some sort of Wii remote like peripheral and the Playstation 3 to get it’s own version of the Wii remote. If Microsoft wishes to make the most money possible, their Wii remote copy will be a peripheral rather than a brand new system.

You might think “The End is Nigh” if you’re a core gamer that detests those happy, care free casual gamers. In the event that Sony and Microsoft act like a business and chase the money, a core gamer’s won’t be lost in a changing industry if the new audience leans how to discern between crap games and software worth its price tag. If all else fails there’s always indie games.

So as of now, these are the ominous black clouds that loom over the game industry. Nintendo is getting flogged with junk casual games and Xbox 360 and Playstation 3 run the risk of tiring their comparatively small (compared to the number of casuals) core audience with incremental improvements of current software.

During the Great Depression, American movie theaters saw steady business as the consumer hungered for an escape from the troubled economy. In today’s global economic recession, it seems that people still want that escape and video games are the medium that provide it even better than a mere 2 hour movie for 20 some dollars (if you get popcorn and a drink.) The road that lies before the game industry is not likely to disappear, no matter how cluttered it becomes with obstacles. That way ahead may be uncertain, but it is not lost when there are companies that will forge new paths and people that pine for the experience.

Presenting…

…The Top Five Signs That a DLC Should Have Just Been Free

Brought to you by Fedora Man

Well it finally April and you have to love how easy it is to open an article with the lines “so it’s finally whatever month we’re in right now”. It’s time for the next step in my great journey to earn money through a video game blog. Now I know you might be wondering “I thought you had billions! Were you lying to me?” The answer is of course, no. Stupid. Why would I make something like that up? But the difference between that money and the money I’ll earn on this site is I actually had to do work to earn it, unlike my corporation where I really don’t do any work at all. I can show all my friend “yeah this is the ten dollars I earned THROUGH WORK!” and if they say that they also have a job and have made more money, I’ll pull out my emergency one million dollars that I always keep stashed in my pants and laugh at them, probably while rubbing the money all over myself.

Now I’m sure that everyone reading this right now loves to hear all the stories that end with me rubbing money all over myself (and there are a lot of them) but now is neither the time, nor the place for me to describe my achievements to the world. Mainly because I think that might blow my secret identity and also I don’t think anyone would let me post an article called “The Top Five Ways to Rub Money All Over Yourself Like a Pro”. Instead I’m going to write about some game related phenomena, but only because I have to.

That brings me to my greatest problem: what the hell am I going to write about? There aren’t any games coming out these days (according to me) and writing about one specific past game has been done by everyone and their grandma. At first I was thinking “Heroes of Might and Magic 2, everyone will love to hear about that!” before moving to and idea about specific overrated games. Then one night I was staying up late to try to perfect the insertion of a giant blade into my fedora. Some might call that an oddjob rip off, but those same people might find it hard to speak when, say, a razor-bladed hat cuts their entire mouth off. Anyway it was around 6 am that I decided “screw it I’m too tired to think up a new idea” and settled for this one.

Now if you’re like me (and you’re not at all like me) then you too have expressed frustration at some of the worst excuses for DLC (downloadable content if you somehow made it to this point in the article without knowing what that is) ever made. That’s not to say that all DLC is bad and that it should all be free because there are small amounts of DLC that actually seem to have been worked hard on and deserve some sort of monetary reimbursement (the shivering isles for Oblivion is the first thing that comes to mind). Of course for every shivering isles there are hundreds of “screw you, give me all your money” DLCs or as I like to affectionately call them “dog shit”. I’m sure that this isn’t just at 360 problem, it’s probably also a problem with the PS3 but I wouldn’t know now would I? So here are the signs to identify if the dog shit you just bought should have been free.

Number 5: When the DLC is Free Anyway

Example: Call of Duty 4: Variety Map Pack

This is probably the one that isn’t about dog shit (I’m very much hoping the editor doesn’t take offense to that word being used over and over again). This is one of the cases where the DLC might actually be good but in any case it isn’t free even when say, THEY OFFER IT FOR FREE ANYWAY!

Take the above example for instance. The Call of Duty 4 map pack was offered for free via a code in the Game of the Year Edition. The cost of the Game of the Year Edition is exactly the same as the original game so you’d think they’d start offering the map pack for free, right? Wrong (as always)! I’m not exactly sure why they’d do this (other than the obvious “I want more money” approach) yet it seems like around the time they started offering free map packs they’d just go ahead and put it out for free on the marketplace anyway. There’s only one possible explanation: to piss off hat-based crime fighters.

Hell, that reminds me; before I go on I’d like to tell a little story about my experience with these “free” maps. It started like any other day, random death hurricanes mixed with volcanoes and a zombie apocalypse, you know, nothing special. So I decided that I’d go and get Call of Duty 4 because I was in a crime fighting slump (only because I imprisoned all my enemies) and so I decided to blow off some steam by mercilessly killing people on the internet. I picked out my game and brought it to the Gamestop counter where the cashier was like “I’ll give you the game of the year edition, it doesn’t cost anymore and it gives you free maps.” So I was like “sweet free maps, thanks you pimply faced bastard, I’ll be sure not to violently attack you in the future over game prices.” So as I got back home I opened the box… nothing. There was a game and an instruction booklet but that pimply faced sonofabitch lied to me! There wasn’t any map code at all! Now my first reaction was to don my fedora and jacket/trench coat (have to protect my secret identity) and go back to that store to kick all kinds of ass. But I’m a detective too and my detective-like instincts told me that it probably wasn’t that pimply faced bastard’s fault. Using my fedora-shaped super computer I quickly got confirmation that this had happened to many other people as well. In the end, after a brief bout with tech support that should have just began and ended with the word “bastard” I never got my maps. I’m just waiting for the time that they become free, WHICH THEY NEVER WILL!

Number 4: When the Game in Question has a Sequel

Example: Call of Duty 4: Variety Map Pack

Call of Duty again? Really? Well that’s just an example; there are many games like this. Again this isn’t necessarily dog shit but I promise that the next one will be about dog shit, you dog shit enthusiast you. Anyway the reason I claim that the DLC (which may or may not be dog shit to appease all you crazy people) should be free once a sequel comes out because sales probably drop rapidly over time once the sequel hits stores. I’m pretty sure that’s how it works, but don’t take my word on it, it’s not like I know a lot about business (although I do run a multi-billion dollar business in my free time). I don’t think anyone is rushing out to go buy Halo 2, or Mario Party 3 (despite how awesome Mario Party 3 was) so I’ve taken this rule and applied it to damn near any other game. Maybe I can understand not immediately making it free but in the above example Call of Duty 5 (or Call of Duty: whatever the hell they’re calling it these days) has been out for nearly half a year and I doubt that the Call of Duty 4 will have those free maps in another four or five months time. Granted the two were made by different developers but that’s beside the point. Give me the free maps! I demand it!

Number 3: When the DLC Doesn’t Add Anything Special to the Game

Example: Bomberman Live: Bomb-Up Packs

So NOW we’re talking about dog shit. Again I’m hoping the editor doesn’t come to my house and challenge me to a fist fight for using that so often. In any case I could talk about this in depth but the name says it all. The dog shit doesn’t add a whole lot to the game so it should be free on the grounds that I don’t want to pay you to add pretty much nothing to the overall gameplay.

Take my above example… for example (does that even work?) Bomberman’s bomb-up packs should definitely have been free or just included it in the original game. With the pack comes a bunch of gametypes and maps no one online plays anyway (we’re all too busy playing on the good starting maps with the non-stupid game variants to care). It’s like opening a gift on Christmas to get a playstation 2, a gamecube, or an xbox when you already have the better console. But gosh there’s really not more to say about it, maybe I’m complaining too much or maybe… just maybe… you’re not complaining enough.

Number 2: When the DLC is Just a Little Polish to an Otherwise Bland Turd Sandwich

Example: Crackdown (whatever that weapon pack is called)

I wanted to research what the dog shit was called here to retain my journalistic and genius vigilante integrity but I honestly didn’t care. Now let me set one thing straight, whereas Number 3 on the list (the one you just read if you read like a normal human being or super being) was about something that should be free based on the fact that it added little to a good game, this one is about DLC which could be good or bad that adds little to a horrible game. That’s right; I beat the system by having ALMOST identical but still slightly different types of DLC on display. Wooh!

Anyway I’m sure you (yes you, the guy in the red baseball cap) can think of a ton of DLC and games like this, but let’s go with my example because I already took the time to write it down. Now Crackdown wasn’t THAT bad of a game… okay yeah it was. The whole game was GTA or Saints Row with a ton of collection and not a lot of anything else. Shooting civilians was a power-up losing crime too, so there goes all the random slaughtering fun. The goal of the game is to collect orbs and kill a bunch of bad guys. You’re basically like Super Man except with a gun (or a slightly more athletic Fedora Man, with super powers, a gun, and no awesome hat). So after the fun of jumping around rooftops and shooting people wears off about six hours into the game what’s left to do? Well Realtime Worlds (the developers) has the answer in the form of a content pack sure to add a couple more hours of fun to the game. You get a weapon like the harpoon gun which is cool in that you can fire harpoons at people and stick them to cars and buildings and trees and other people. Where was the downside again? Oh right the fact that there’s a fuggin’ price tag associated with it. What the hell?! I paid sixty dollars for your game! There is no way in hell I’m going to spend six to ten dollars more to make your game NOT suck as much. You may think I’m being a little frustrated this time, because if there’s anything Fedora Man is known for its definitely not violent outbursts of vigilante justice. But that’s what happens when you stay up too late and you keep slicing off your fingers with your stupid razor-blade lined hat that STILL DOESN’T WORK!

But hey let’s look on the bright side. I’d like to take this time to get away from all the anger and pessimism and quickly point out Left 4 Dead. It’s a decent game, not too bad, not too good. But it appears that they’re coming out with DLC soon to make the game better. You know what I like the most about it without even having to look up gameplay videos on youtube? The fact that valve decided to not be a bunch of assholes and release the DLC free. So there, at least I tried to make this article slightly happier with a contrast between dog shit and decent DLC, as well as decent business practices in general.

Number 1: When the DLC in Question Sucks

Example: Too many to count

Damn even the example is a little depressing. There’s like a sea of dog shit out there (not literally you creep) and you know a DLC should be free when the DLC itself sucks. Really, this one ties into every other group category. By now you must be wondering “is there some kind of evil video game-themed villain out there causing all the DLC in the world to suck?” Well no, there was once, but he died in 1983 when the video game crash happened. It was weird and sad because the one thing he was trying to destroy was the only thing keeping him alive. Once the games became bad enough the crash happened and he died. It’s tragic, which is why I’m writing a play about it. I’m thinking of starring the lead role to Adam West and maybe get Jackie Chan in there somehow; we’ll have to see how it turns out.

Anyway there’s really not much more to say but hell I have time to kill in between creating my razor-bladed fedora and fighting demons from beyond time and space. So I’ll start with a little known game called Halo 2 (does anyone remember this game?). Halo 2 had four or five map packs, with the last one having two levels “Desolation” and “turd sandwich” or… something like that, I can’t remember (and I refuse to look it up). Anyway both were remakes and both were TERRIBLE. Although I’m not ashamed to own the Halo series, I am deeply ashamed to have put any money down toward this map pack. Turd sandwich was a terrible level and desolation was… also terrible (cut me some slack I’m tired AND I saved the world yesterday, shut up). Look I’ll give you another example: Halo 3. Halo 3 (and I use the halo series because of its general accessibility so people know what I’m talking about) had the “Heroic map pack” which was so bloody awful that I had to think twice before ever purchasing any kind of map pack EVER AGAIN! It was like they had a staff meeting but only three people showed up and they left after five minutes after someone said “but think about the customers” and someone else responded with “screw the customers!”

I’ll give you one more you might not have thought about: gamer pictures. Yeah those things, you actually have to pay for them. I think I’ll leave it at that instead of pointing out the crippling stupidity in paying for tiny pictures rather than picking up a fedora to hide your identity and going out to vigilante the shit out of the gaming industry.

…the top five games not worth full price

Brought to you by Fedora Man

Well it’s finally March; or rather it has been March for half a month now, whatever. It’s hard keeping track of time when you’re on another planet fighting the living embodiment of anger with nothing but hat based weaponry and your wit; not to mention making love to all the alien women who all suspiciously speak English (call me). In fact it’s nearly impossible to keep track of the time when you’re fighting robots and defending humanity twenty-four hours a day seven days a week (or sometimes eight days a week depending on where I am) so cut me some slack on the issue. But in between throwing my Fedora-rangs (not a rip-off of Batman) and solving super crime in my Fedora Cave I did manage to get down to Gamestop to browse the selection. I was thinking “Damn, I need some new games to play in between sleeping and fighting five dimensional creatures that my mind can’t fully comprehend.” Because honestly, what the hell else am I going to do in my spare time but play games on my super computer?

A horrible thing happened as I browsed the new games list: most of them weren’t worth the displayed price and I’ll be damned if I spend a cent of my billions of dollars if it’s on something overpriced and uninteresting. At first I believed some crime was afoot. Perhaps my non-arch-nemesis (but a nemesis nonetheless) The Emo-inator replaced all the great new games with some games that were released last year and already had at least thirty dollars shaved off the price tag in reality. But I quickly found out he was still in jail after his last big scheme (replacing all the pen ink in my mansion with black eyeliner). So I returned to Gamestop and demanded answers! “Why are these games priced at sixty dollars!” I demanded to know. “There is no way in hell they’re worth that much money!” I grabbed that pimply faced bastard by his collar and pulled him close to my face to show him I was serious. The rest after that was a blur, but I’m pretty sure the police came and I think I was trying to explain my innocence to them while being beaten with their night sticks. I couldn’t do anything since I wasn’t in costume (my fedora) so I just had to take the ass kicking. There is some good news though: I did manage to write down a list of games to bring to the public’s attention before I got sent to jail. Now the list was hastily scrawled on a dollar bill and there’s also a lot of blood on it but I’m pretty sure I can read it so I hope you can appreciate what I’ve done for you in the following list.

Number 5: Halo Wars

If ever there was an argument for Starcraft 2 to come out in the year 2009 this game would be it. With what looks like completely unbalanced gameplay and some craptastic AI; Halo Wars makes me yearn for the glory days of the RTS when Starcraft was out and kicking some ass. Or at the very least it makes me yearn for a computer RTS instead of this watered-down console game. Sure the controls worked but everything else was terrible compared to almost every other RTS on the market. Want to build a defense line at a chokepoint? Well you can’t build outside the designated bases. Do you like managing resources and armies to win strategically? Well I hope you do since it’s a Real Time STRATEGY. The only trouble with that is they only put one resource in the game and you can’t really hotkey or select units you aren’t looking at directly so micromanaging is nearly impossible. So do you want to kill the Prophet of Regret’s vastly inferior forces with your army of super death? Well have fun getting killed by his stupid laser. What about the AI? You might as well take out the “I” in that because there’s nothing intelligent about the computer. Even on the hardest difficulty and with the handicap of being a human (the entire human race tends to suck horribly in this game) I still managed to destroy the computer with minimal effort.

Admittedly the above was all part of the demo but a demo is designed to make you want a game and this demo did nothing but make me look at Blizzard’s website to see how far along Starcraft 2 was in production (and now I’m going to stop talking about SC2, I promise). “But there was a harder difficulty in the real game”, or so I’ve been told. But the thing about that is I don’t want to buy a game only to find out it’s not the least bit challenging. If someone else wanted to buy the game for me then sure I’d play it, the point is I just don’t want to pay $60 for it.

Number 4: House of the Dead: Overkill

Call me crazy (and I’ll punch you) but I’ve never been much for rail shooters. There was something about the lack of freedom to choose where I wanted to go (or move) that always got me. I guess they were alright in an arcade where I never had anything better to do and I had a friend handy. Other than that it never appealed to me to want to play a rail shooter at home because I could always do something different. “Let’s see do I want to play a game where zombies attack me and I’m not smart enough to take a few steps back? Or do I want to play Mario Kart?” Mario Kart won every single time. So although I haven’t played House of the Dead: Overkill, I have played rail shooters and previous HotD installments and can say that with one hundred percent certainty that this wouldn’t be worth fifty dollars.

Number 3: Tom Clancey’s HAWX

I don’t think demos are really making me want games anymore. First Legends of Wrestlemania (yeah your favorite superhero Fedora Man likes wrestling, sue me) with its “I don’t want to download because I’m an asshole” attitude. Then Halo Wars was like “I don’t feel like trying”. Then there’s this game, and I honestly can’t decide what this game’s message is. On one hand it could be “I’m not fun!” On the other hand it could be “what the hell is going on?” Both of those would actually work for this title. Maybe I was just stressed out from lack of sleep and from all the clowns I was punching in the face and the game simply appeared to not be enjoyable. Or maybe everyone telling me how great the game would be made me build up false expectations that it would be the next Starfox (minus that stupid Starfox Assault failure). Whatever the case may be it was not really all that great as a game. This could have been because I had no idea how to fly my plane in a way that didn’t cause me to experience vertigo. It could also be attributed to the fact that it felt like I wasn’t really accomplishing anything during the course of the battle. On one hand I could cut it some slack because it’s just a demo. But on the other hand I’m sworn to uphold the law in whatever way I see fit and if that doesn’t give me jurisdiction to be a douche for no reason then I don’t know what will.

Number 2: Halo Wars: Limited/Collectors Edition

Now I know what you’re thinking, and no I don’t have the ability to read minds I’m just that good. You’re thinking “but you already did Halo Wars! You’re so lame!” You’re probably considering destroying your Fedora Man action figures and burning all the T-Shirts with my face on it. You might even go pick up monopoly, dig the hat out, and eat it just to prove a point. Although firstly I’d like to point out that’s not a fedora, it’s a top hat. Secondly don’t lose faith! There is a very good reason I’m putting the special edition on this list.

For a while I debated just putting this down as an honorable mention and putting MLB 2K9 on this list instead. But then I realized that not only was it a sports game but it was one about baseball and no one would even read what I had to say about it because no one cares. I probably just pissed off some baseball fans that are no doubt injecting steroids and getting angry at me at this moment (zing). However I really can’t care because none of them parade around in my merchandise and play Dungeons and Fedora Man in their free time. In truth I shouldn’t make fun of baseball fans just because of our differences in what we like to watch. After all professional wrestling also has steroid use so I can let that slide (note: Fedora Man does not use steroids he is naturally a buff ass kicking machine). I do apologize for those last remarks, but only if you wear a fedora tomorrow to recognize my heroism.

Hey it looks like I’m getting off topic. Let’s get down to Halo Wars: Special Edition. Now I’m not sure when every major release had to have a special edition but I think it was around the time Halo 3 came out. In any case the special edition is priced at a nice eighty dollars. With it you get a disc on how they made the game, you know, in case you ever want to make a Halo Wars game yourself, in your basement. Actually it’s probably because they love Halo SO MUCH they just HAD to get it! Since figuring out how the game was made makes the experience so much better. Aside from that you also get a Spirit of Fire patch so that you can become the coolest kid on the block! (Note to self: get Spirit of Fire patch for costume). You also get some useless crap like trading cards and a book that details the history of the characters in the game. Now I’m no rocket scientist (okay yes I am) but I’m thinking that should have been included as an encyclopedia in the game or in the instruction book. Look I don’t mean to talk about Starcraft again but this just came up and it’s very important. See when you bought Starcraft it came with a huge manual that, aside from telling you how to play, detailed the history of each individual race as well as several heroes. Maybe it’s just me but I’m pretty sure that part could have easily been included in the game.

However the biggest reason this is on the list is attributed to the Halo 3 map code. I’m just wondering if somewhere along the line openly treating the customer like an idiot became the norm. The maps are going to be ten dollars on the xbl marketplace but now you can buy them for the low, low price of twenty dollars! Seriously? Maybe people really want all that other crap (anyone want to give me an ultra hip Spirit of Fire patch?) but I’m quite certain the majority of people bought the special/collectors/limited edition for those maps. So if you want to pay ten dollars more for the maps then go for it, just be sure to give me the Spirit of Fire patch.

Number 1: Resident Evil 5

So I get to play Resident Evil 4 again? Well that’s cool, it was a fun game and I’m sure they’ll change it so it doesn’t get boring while still delivering the great gameplay I expect from the fourth game. Oh but what’s this? You took out the merchant (the best character in the game) and the attaché case? So I can only carry around nine measly items? Well I guess they’re going back to their roots with survival horror in a way right? They’re limiting the items, it’ll totally work! Except they’re giving you mounted mini-guns with unlimited ammo so they can’t be trying to make it survival horror-esque again. But hey now they’re giving you cooperative mode, that’s awesome right? Except it ruins the gameplay for single player entirely which you might think is odd because it’s supposedly a single player game. One could argue Resident Evil 4 had an annoying partner you had to take care of. The difference here being Ashley could hide inside of dumpsters and not die like a jackass. She also decided that trying to run up and hug a man wielding a chainsaw was a bad idea, unlike Sheva whose battle strategy involves running right up to the chainsaw man and trying to shoot him. Oh and that’s another thing, Ashley never wasted my ammo. Hell when I think about it all the complaints I have about the game boil down to “my teammate is a moron”, that and they pretty much downgraded everything from the fourth game. I’m not going to spend a cent of my billion dollar fortune on Resident Evil 5 when I could invest that money in something much cooler… like a space ship shaped like a Fedora.

Bioshock, in pieces, was a fantastic game. It included a simple but interesting skill tree, classic FPS mechanics, and creative weapons. It featured a sectoral but open level design. It had interesting and intriguing characters and back story. It’s narrative was well presented. But for all these nice touches, they didn’t mesh. Maybe I’m over thinking it, but I believe being critical of anything exposes why it was so good in the first place. Bioshock does not come together as a single whole or as one work. First of all, it was a lackluster RPG. Some people argue it was never an RPG to begin with, They say it was a Shooter. So why were the guns so arduous to shoot? Why was the game 25 hours? The reason a Shooter lasts at most 13 hours is because shooting for another ten is boring. If it was a Shooter, it was poorly paced. Another problem would be, why did we have free form character building, considering the ‘twist’ at the end? If I was a slave, I would be more concerned with kindly doing what I was asked, not wandering around for ADAM. And if I really was a slave all along, why did I do so much wandering? Now, I don’t know how you played the game, but me, I got into an area and the first thing I did was loot and kill everything I could. I even waited for respawns so I could get more. The only reason I ever progressed in the game was because the loading screen was the last door I hadn’t checked. For a slave, I do a piss poor job.

This was my biggest qualm with the game. They throw this dumb plot twist at you completely out of nowhere, like they were arguing with you, got you to swear and shouted “ha I made you swear!”. You walk through the last door in the area, which get’s blocked off once you do, and Fontaine comes on your comm shouting (in a very bad accent) “You were a slave”. Seriously? I couldn’t tell, I’ve been farming ADAM, I wanted to shoot bees, when did I become your slave? Maybe the RPG/Character Building stuff was too add a bit of irony to the situation. Hey, check out our customizable game experience, but wait! You were a slave all along! Maybe that was the case, but I don’t think so. I think Bioshock was trying to hard to be what people wanted it to be, instead of what IT wanted to be. They wanted to be like System Shock, because people loved System Shock. But they wanted it to be like Halo, because people love Halo. How do we combine the two? Keep the open-ish world and RPG elements, introduce the straightforward gunplay and level progression from Halo, 9.0s here I come! Obviously, and this is true with all products, there were compromises. They needed to sell the game, after all. But the game betrayed it’s own ideas. It’s own design. The game was not that intriguing to me. The only reason I made progress was because I was looking for more ADAM. I wanted to make Big Daddies kick other Big Daddy ass… Eventually I made it to the end, but not because I was being compelled by Fontaine’s nasty voice. Because I was trying to do something for me. Max out my stats.

The ability to choose to kill or let live the Little Sisters also betrayed the concept of the game. Just because Fontaine never said “would you kindly kill her” that doesn’t mean it fits right in. Fact is, giving me a dilemma like that (and so many times) contrasts the fact that I’m supposed to be going forward, following orders. I shouldn’t be stopping to choose to help or unhelp anyone. Why am I given a choice if I am a slave? The irony? On top of all this, the ADAM and plasmid system makes it most obvious. Why is my person being turned into whatever I’d like, at whatever points I’d like if I was just told to go to ______ or to collect ______? Why am I not following orders if I really am a slave? I think all this was poorly delivered. You could argue, “well the type of game they wanted to make wouldn’t guarantee the player followed the tracks we set so you have to take it with a grain of salt. Make a huge bottle, but ultimately come out at one narrow end”. Or you could design the game to play the way the story and characters develop. Linear. Tied to a goal without the choice to do other wise. Narrow paths, blocked exits, obvious directions and markings showing where you need to be. Then, you could unlock everything at the end, make it completely open when you stop taking Fontaine’s orders. That way the gameplay would mirror the design of the narrative.

Let’s look at Half Life 1 and 2. People say the plot of these games are not nearly as good as other people have made them out to be. What people do not realize is that Half Life is not just another shooter with a line stolen from every 1970s sci-fi book. It’s a First Person game. Not just a First Person Shooter, but a First Person game. Want to know why the story is so confusing? Because you don’t know what Breen and the slugs have been talking about, what Alyx and Eli and Kleiner have been up to for the last 10 or so years, what Judith does in secret, or what the Vortigaunts can see. You don’t know because you only have a pair of eyes. No ability to travel outside of your body and magically see what everyone else is talking about. The gameplay mirrored the narrative. It was a first person narrative. You got from the story exactly what Gordon had experienced. The gameplay was linear and the story farfetched because there were holes. You weren’t around to see or find out what happened, because you were in a vent instead of floating behind some Commanding Officer in a plane telling his men to kill everyone in Black Mesa. That’s why you don’t understand why the military is out to kill you. The game was designed superbly, and because Bioshock couldn’t take a hint, Half Life not only remains as one of the only games to do this, but probably the best game that’s done this, and to this day, is groundbreaking.

Now take a look at Shadow Of The Colossus. Everything about SotC was designed to push certain feelings and ellicit certain reactions. Why was the world so big? So you would feel small. Why were the Colossi so colossal? So you would feel helpless. Why was their no music outside of the fights? So you would feel lonely. Why was the colour so monotonous? So you would feel sad. Despite having an open world, there was next to nothing to do besides go to the next colossus. Why was there a never a direct route to getting to them (besides the first)? So you could see how much landscape there was, so you could see how insignificant you are. This game featured 3 story cinematics. The starting, the middle, and the end. Somehow, this game pushed more story, more consistently and more powerfully than any game I can think of before it and after it. Players who weren’t paying attention and who didn’t finish it passed it off as being empty and lacking any story at all. How does that explain the wikipages? The discussion that go on every night on some forum about it’s plot and it’s meaning? The game had a very healthy amount of plot considering dialogue was at a minimum and the only two conversations are between the main character and Dormin, and the shaman and his gaurds. The world and the experience and visuals told the story. Wanders deteriorating through out the game, the doves appearing by Mono, the statues counting down, the ruins strewn about the world, all of it told a story, thousands and thousands of years in the making. SotC is the perfect example of design and focus. Made with a purpose and it achieved so much more then people give it credit.

But for whatever reason, the broken Bioshock is selling millions and topping the rankings. I had fun turning the Big Daddies on eachother, I won’t lie. Hacking sentries was cool. The propaganda was funny. But, like I said earlier, seen in pieces the game is fantastic, but as a whole, it failed. Bioshock looked nice. It was well dressed in it’s novelty world. But deep inside it, where it all began on paper, it’s design failed.

Capcom has performed Pavlovian conditioning on me with regard to Resident Evil 5.

For those of you who may be unfamiliar with the term, Pavlovian or classical conditioning refers to getting someone to act a certain way by introducing a stimulus. This stimulus is paired with something else so that it triggers a certain response that you’re looking for, even when that something else is taken away.

This kind of conditioning was  named after it’s father, behavioral scientist Ivan Pavlov, who got his pet dog to salivate at the sound of a bell. Interestingly enough,that pretty much describes the reaction of some people I know when Capcom announces a new installment in any of their popular franchises.

Admittedly, I’m one of them. You see, I’m not really the type to rent something or to do some prior research on the product I’m interested in–at least, not always. There are instances when my primal nature asserts itself. I throw caution to the winds and I buy games that I crave for. Resident Evil 5 is one of those games.

Not all people are as easily conditioned, however. As I’m writing this, I’m recalling a thread I read on the GameFAQS forums earlier. One person decided to cancel his or her pre-order of the game, claiming that Resident Evil 5 just “wasn’t Resident Evil anymore.”

That begs the question: what exactly makes Resident Evil Resident Evil? Fiendish puzzles? Multiple heart-stopping moments? A severely scarce supply of available ammunition? Cheesy B-movie lines and voice acting? An inability to shoot while moving at the same time? All of the above?

An even  bigger question is this:  how do you reconcile the popular Part 4–the installment that introduced some major gameplay changes–with the rest of the “classic” series?

Opinions on the thread have varied greatly, but here’s my own take on the subject: the game is by no means “classic” Resident Evil. It really feels more like Resident Evil 4.5, with some Gears of War elements thrown in for good measure. Frankly, that’s okay with me.

The one thing people shouldn’t do with RE5 is to call it “survival horror” as the term no longer fits the bill.  Besides giving us more action and less horror, Capcom has also systematically  desensitized us to the latter–that is, we’ve been repeatedly exposed to the horror over the years so that it no longer horrifies us in the least.

So to that person who canceled his or her pre-order, I respect your decision for doing so. In fact, I even commend you for sticking to your guns. As for me, I’ll be getting my steady diet of mindless Resident Evil violence this weekend.

Some people will dismiss it without playing it and those people suck, if you’re going to bash a game, at least try it first. That being said, Halo Wars, believe it or not, is a good game. The missions are interesting, and even challenging, and everything just seems right. Let’s run through some of the strong points.

Strong Points:

• Great Controls/Easily Accessible: Now I want to get this out of the way because as I mentioned before, a RTS is all about the controls and the functions. Though Halo Wars lacks some extra features (hot keys, patrol, etc.), the game has essentially everything to make it accessible. This does involve a select all button which many hardcore RTS fan despise, but I highly doubt hardcore RTS fans are the target market for this game. That is to say that, yes, this game is somewhat easier than the conventional PC RTS, but it is in no means easy on higher difficulties.
• Everything just fits: This applies both to the graphics, music, levels. The units look amazing and very clear, and also match the Halo realm, which I find surprising, add to that visually stunning cutscenes and you’ve got some nice eye candy as battles go on. The music is the same type of orchestrated pieces that you would find in other Halo games, and to be honest it suits the game better than the Halo games. The orchestrated music brings a feeling of a grand scale, the feeling that you’re involved in something epic, and that is what Halo Wars is about.
• Varying Missions: Though there are the usual “go here, destroy base” missions, you’ll find there is often evac/escort missions, specialty type missions, and the occasional dodge the fucking scarab that kills you one hit mission, that thing is a beast to take down on legendary.
• Co-operative Campaign: This was the basis of my co-op article because the game is barrels of fun when you play with a friend. You would expect that things would get confusing and frustrating with two people sharing one base, and you’d be wrong. Yes you share resources, no you are not bound by what another person does (in most cases). What you build is yours to command, though you can also select to transfer units to the other player, and this comes in very, very handy in most cases.
• Unlockables: The skull system returns again in Halo Wars, along with optional objectives, if the skull system works like it did in Halos 1-3, then you could have one hell of a time using all of them on legendary.

Weak Points:

• Units don’t know when the fuck to stay still: This may be a pet peeve but it really annoys me to no end, if I command you to go somewhere, I don’t expect you to be moving in the opposite direction due to one group of grunts being there.
• Human Campaign: This was covered by Gamespot but the fact is you can’t play as the Covenant or the Flood in campaign, it’s a bummer I know, but there may be definitely will be DLC including their campaign. You can play as the Convenant in Skirmish mode though, so if you’re iching for some alien play, head on there.
• Where’s the story: Maybe I’m just slow, but it seems to me that there isn’t a huge story regarding Halo Wars, it seems to just jump into the Halo universe and follow the events of one John Forge, I was expecting a little more out of it in terms of story, that’s all.
• Progression: It seems the game never really confirms itself, even past half way through the game you’re still being introduced to new units that only have a one time use or one mission. I’d prefer the first maybe 5-6 missions was with introducing new units, and the rest was how you play it.

All in all, Halo Wars is an amazing game that has lived up to it’s hype in my eyes (probably because there wasn’t too much hype), and it’s worth a look over from any Xbox 360 owner. It has challenge to offer to the hardcore RTS group while remaining accessible to the newbie RTS folk. If you are planning to buy it, go for the mythic map pack bundle because even if you don’t use it yourself, you can sell it on ebay for about 40 dollars USD.

In the older days of gaming, there wasn’t much co-op, it was more of a pass the controller style. You know, you’d die in Super Mario Bros. and you’d pass the the controller to your buddy, who would die sometime and this would just continue. This type of co-op was very crude, and hardly effective, reason being that half the time you weren’t even playing the game. If your buddy was really good at said game, you were watching for a while. We eventually got to the point where multiplayer was introduced, and this meant now  you could play together, at parties, etc. There was a certain point where the multiplayer got stale because you were essentially doing the same things over and over again, however this didn’t happen for a while.

Next came an online system, which astounded people because now you play with someone and they didn’t even have to be at your house. They could be halfway around the world and still play with you, and people thought this was the pinnacle of peer to peer gaming, until we got co-operative campaign, and this in my opinion is the best aspect of any online type. Sure you can play different game types, kill some people, have a good time while playing online multiplayer, but with the campaign comes a shared experience, one that is unique from online multiplayer. With online multiplayer you work together for a common cause, you share the achievement of victory, and you share the laughs and the outrages. What co-operative campaign does is that that foundation, and add a story for you and your friend(s) to experience. Now you get more out of it.

Halo Wars feels to me like a dumbed down RTS, which is true in all perspectives, although it features co-operative campaign. A co-operative campaign in an RTS?! Are they crazy?! It’s possible, but it’s more like one of the best ideas introduced. I’m not sure if Halo Wars was the first to implement co-operative campaign but it sure as hell does a great job at making the experience fun for everyone and when you’re doing co-op, that’s what matters.

It all started with Halo: Combat Evolved, the game had introduced some new elements and had fixed up some older elements, and overall the game was extremely enjoyable. Halo had a unique storyline (at the time), a well orchestrated soundtrack, and an adventure that seemed to be pretty expansive and epic. The game was regarded as one of the best games released at that time, and most people who played it seemed to think so as well.

Fast-forward to the release of Halo 2, now we have a massive expansion in the Halo fanbase, so much expansion that we now have younger kids playing Halo: CE, and waiting for the new one to be released. Halo 2 hits Xbox on November 9, 2004, people go bat-shit crazy, and start making line-ups to get the games before anyone else does. This could be understandable because Halo has become apart of culture at this point. Halo 2 now bring dual-wielding, a similar storyline, and addicting online play with it. More people now join the fan base, anyone from a non-third world country has heard of Halo, and some are playing it.

September 25, 2007, Halo 3 hits the world. Massive line-ups due to the massive fan base, many of them, kids below the age of 18 which is funny because the game is rated M. So now we are introduced to a very accessible online system, where even a child of the age of 8 can use effectively, and it shows, because now you have these kids yelling in your ear talking about god knows what because half of the things they say are so high pitched only a dog can hear them, and because the other half of the time, they’re screaming about either how good they think they’re doing, or about how you just mopped the floor with their face.

Another part of this fanbase is the “manly” kids who either play the game way to seriously, or believe there is no other weapon except for the power weapons and the assualt rifle and those are the funniest people ever. What you commonly hear from those people is “WHAT THE FUCK MAN, I HAD A SWORD AND HE TOOK ME OUT WITH A BATTLE RIFLE?! FUCKING HACKER!!! <insert screams of displeasure here>”. There’s something to be said about having a skill level in the game, and you’d think skill would be shown through the rank system, but oh how you’d be wrong. Often times I find people at top ranks get there by getting ahead by 1-4 points, then hiding, so it becomes difficult to win the game because the pussy is hiding. The best part is, they refer to this as a tactical skill, but as soon as I do it, it’s called unfair and cheating. Bullshit.

Just a few days ago I was trying to get people to report my gamer tag so I can change it for free (I never picked the name in the first place, disadvantages of a used Xbox), and my polite question has refuted with waves of “Fuck off” and “Pay for it you prick”, and maybe I should pay for it, but instead of responding rudely they could of said “Just pay for it”. Maybe throughout the whole 10-12 matches I found four decent people who said sure, and who were fun to play with.

Without the fanbase, Halo 3 would be probably the online shooter of all time (if we don’t count the Valve games), instead the online community is a lot like a sea of piss, with each individual. If you play with a friend or two you know via real life, the experience of shit is dimmed down, but without it? Boy.. just.. boy. It isn’t that there aren’t cool people on Xbox Live, it’s just finding them takes a bit of effort.