It’s not enough to simply win a match in Left 4 Dead.  No, you have to take it one step further, “secure your ultimate victory” some might say.  The true mark of a pro is one who can not only beat the other team, but cause them to ragequit as well.

Yes, ragequit.  If you can induce the other team to quit the match out of sheer rage, you are a true pro.  Some might say that intentionally attempting to cause such a hostile action is unsportsmanlike, but I would argue that polite, sportsmanlike conduct has no place outside of gaming leagues.  Indeed, this is the raw, unfiltered Internet, full of angsty preteens (playing an M rated game), social outcasts, and that guy who always quits after playing as Infected.  No, they deserve it, so troll away.

As Survivors

It’s actually pretty tough to get Infected players to ragequit.  I would suggest trying the following:

• Melee hunters to death.  Better yet, surround them and melee them to death.  If you can, time it so that they’ve almost recovered from the prvious hit, and then hit them again.
• During a Tank event, find a nice, tiny air duct or stairwell to sit in.  They’ll either get stuck trying to get to you, or wait so long that they lose the Tank.
• If you hear a Boomer, shoot through the walls.  You’ll probably hit him, and then he’ll likely accuse you of hacking.  Simply “lol” in response.
• Along those lines, always “lol” after killing an Infected.

As Infected

This game is the ultimate griefing engine when playing the Infected.  Here are a few tips guaranteed to annoy and anger the Survivors:

• As a Tank, incapacitate the entire team by knocking a car at them.  You can do this on the first map of ‘No Mercy’, as there are cars everywhere.  Killing off the entire team that early in the campaign will most likely inspire a lot of rage.
• Well-timed assaults tend to annoy people who just can’t grasp the concept of teamwork.  Boom ‘em, pounce two of them, and smoke the other off into the distance.  Time it right and the entire team either goes down or comes out heavily-damaged.
• Speaking of Boomers, jump off the top of a building and explode right on top of them.  Hilarity ensues.
• The latter levels of ‘No Mercy’ take place on top of a skyscraper.  As a Tank, go for the guy with the most health and send him flying off the roof.
• If you’re incredibly lucky, the Witch will spawn right next to a car with an alarm.  As a Boomer, stand right in front of the Witch.  Don’t do anything, just stand there.  When they kill you, they’ll most likely startle the Witch and alert the horde.  Good times.
• If possible, force them to leave a player behind when they’re near the safe room.  The player left behind will often take this personally and leave.
• As always, mockery over chat is childish, but effective.

Remember, if they all quit, you win!  Stay classy guys.