There’s an assumed quality we expect from game reviews. When they’re professional, we expect long dissertations quantifying exactly why they are worth 60 hard-earned United States Dollars. Within that quantification, we expect numbers: hard numbers, often based on a 1 through 10 scale. These numbers dictate the value of a game; whether or not they do that arbitrarily is a different matter altogether. They do it! That’s what we expect.

However, there are nothing but problems with this system. The largest of which is that the industry relies heavily on these numbers. The reviews are written in order to give the consumer the edge when making a purchase, but when money’s tight, the consumer tends to lean toward only the best and is less likely to purchase anything below the magic 8. Games tend to work on a numerical hierarchy when employed in this scale: a tier, if you will.

10-8, a game’s worth buying; 7.9-6, rental; 5.9 and below, don’t bother.

Is this completely unbalanced? No. It’s incredibly ridiculous, but it’s naïve to expect less from the consumer. The publishers have latched onto this and are ardently doing their best to swing the score in their favor. Can you blame them? It is a business: a business of pumping out semi-decent product to meet end-of-year earning standards. So when it comes to making a sale, publishers are looking for that magic 8 in the Metacritic. This, of course, leads to some dubious behavior. Jeff Gerstmann was fired due to publisher Eidos’s complaints (unofficially), and the publisher has just recently started the same kind of controversy again, although they’re more honest about it this time around.

So what to do? Well, don’t listen to professionals. They’re not experts on subjectivity nor do they merely share their personal opinions. They are on the payroll and their wages are based on what’s expected of them. In essence, trust someone who plays games for fun. If you are such a gamer who would put his opinion down in writing, may I suggest you do not emulate the professionals. Look where that’s got us. The best thing to do is to do away with numbers. Certainly, it would be tough to adjust to something that isn’t immediate. We’ve no time to read, obviously. After the steep-learning curve, one could implement any number of prose-based assessments that could act as abstracts. A demonstration:

• Sonic the Hedgehog (2006) - A broken semblance of what once was that not only doesn’t make good on promises to restart the franchise, but instead repeats old mistakes and breaks them further. Obviously released too soon, it may only appeal to those who are truly devout to the series and are willing to overlook distinct flaws.

Perhaps a little heavy-handed, but accurate nonetheless. It sums up the idea of the game without going into full details and suggests who this might be for. This is the whole idea of a review, and this is what should be glorified. The actual article can take care of the finer details, but the abstract should make the judgment. If one felt so inclined, reviews could even simply be these short blurbs. Here’s a few examples:

• Little Big Planet - A whimsical, somewhat floaty platformer that, despite reliance on only two play-mechanics of jump and grab, remains fun and inventive due to the easily accessible yet deeply complex “create” tools. However, spotty online management inherent in Sony’s online platform and a total reliance on thereof causes the game to loses some of it’s charm and longevity. Unless you feel the innate drive to create under some heavy guidelines (read: restrictions), it may be best to wait.
• Soul Calibur IV - An excellent fighting engine bogged down by an out-dated story mode, a backwards create-a-fighter mode, a conditional online mode, the removal of of some of the better modes of previous installments, and gimmicky characters that serve as most of the new fighters (one of which will cost 5 USD). Some interesting character changes make up for the breaking of others, but essentially the game is only superb when played with friends in the same room, and merely decent at any other time.
• Bionic Commando: Rearmed – An offering of nostalgic gameplay with a fresh coat of high definition and self-referential humor that offers a challenging yet reasonable play experience that is appropriately paced and perfectly affordable. With nifty bonus unlockables, fun multiplayer modes, and a bevy of challenges, it’s well worth your time and time again.
• Sonic Chronicles: The Dark Brotherhood - A melding of the idea of Sonic’s speed and the RPG genre and of Sonic’s wide canon and other media in which he appears, Sonic Chronicles offers an experience that feels fresh, innovative, yet still remains true to Sonic fans of all varieties and may still appeal to those who aren’t. With a dialogue tree system that branches some of the plot, although only just slightly, the game offers a rich story and plenty of lore, which, were the excellent Elite Beat Agent style battle system not there, would be enough to justify at least one play-through.

Even if the standards never change, do yourself a favor and at least find a critic who isn’t under the dollar of who he’s critiquing. If that proves impossible, pray they release longer, better, fuller demos to help you, yourself, form an opinion and justify a purchase.

As things are now, it is, by design, deceptive.