Most of us, maybe even all of us, have been to a pizza place, either it be Rocco’s, Round Table, Pizza Hut, you name it. There were always several arcade machines in a corner, the handles and buttons having been molested by several greasy hands over time, the coin slot having been eroded by many coins going in, the machine itself being stained over the years by misuse. However, for me at the local Round Table’s Pizza, there was a favorite of mine. The only reason I always wanted to go there. I spent a large chunk of childhood here, wasting several quarters over time, for one game in particular.

That’s right, Sunset Riders. This game was possibly the most mind-wasting and money-burning game I have ever played. I must have given that one machine over fifty dollars in the course of all the time I have played it. Nostalgia goggles aside, this game is a fast-paced shoot-’em-up set in the Wild West. Not much else to it besides playing one of the four main characters, all of them buddies looking for a bit of cash. Vigilantes. There isn’t much anything going on story-wise, and that’s part of the game’s charm. It cuts right to the action. Also, if you notice in the title screen, it properly shows each character. Nice touch.

Three blonde-haired cowboys and a hotshot Mexican. Possibly, if not the greatest line-up of characters ever. That’s like putting Big Bird, Elmo, Grover, and James Earl Cash into a game and then putting them in the Wild West and tell them to go shoot bad guys for profit, glory, and women.

I always roll with Cormano. There is no greater satisfaction in any game ever than going around gunning down people with fast-firing shotguns that shoot giant pink pellets at the speed of light while wearing a pink sombrero and serape. Anyways, the game is relatively simple, you go left-to-right, but there are none of those pesky border walls where you need to stop and kill every enemy before you move on. It’s non-stop shooting action and frankly, hard as nails. Their bullets may move slow, sure. However, they shoot several and they slowly begin to cloud your screen, making evasion hard and difficult for even the most skilled people. Keep firing and don’t stop, it’ll just mean your death warrant won’t be signed the second you start a stage.

You die in one-hit, and everyone else [with the exception of bosses] die in one hit too. During each stage, you can go into doors or kill certain enemies for power-ups, which boosts the amount of bullets you shoot and the speed. You automatically lose them each time you die, but they’re relatively easy to find. There are also gold bonuses throughout the stage which boosts your total money. $50,000 will automatically give you another life, although you’ll still be plugging in coins like a madman. No matter how good you are at dodging, you’ll always waste a life to each of those annoying little green bullets that come your way. In a sense, it depends on fast reflexes and a bit of luck, but thankfully, you can jump or slide around them with ease.

Every time you beat a certain stage, you automatically go to a bonus round. It’s pretty simply, you point in a certain direction and shoot Greenpeace, Blood, and Crip outlaws. The more targets you hit, the more money you get. They don’t fire back, but they do pick up speed when you try to hit them, making it difficult to get all of them towards the end. If you have a second buddy playing with you, he also helps you shoot, so it’s always easier to have extra firepower. The only problem is, the money gets split up automatically [same thing with the regular stages], so it nets you less profit. It’s always fun however, to purposely act as a decoy while your friend guns down enemies left and right. Now, onto something that is even more so difficult, the main part where coins get fried tenfold. Behold!

Bosses. Each boss has their own unique quirk, and for each one you kill, your reward increases. At the same time, they also become harder, hellish, and more brutal. Each boss area comes at the end of a stage, and are usually flanked by their cronies you’ve seen before. The game gives you some leeway though, and prevents more enemies from coming back after you maim a certain amount. Another nice addition is that each of these guys have one-liners when they begin the battle and when they die. It even uses voice, despite how pixelated it sounds. Just a warning though, most of the lines are extremely cheesy and/or terrible. The boss music balances that out in turn. Also, sliding is usually helpful for most of these bosses, except this guy.

Punningly enough, they fight with explosives and fire. I guess you could say that was a heated battle, to make light of it. I’m sorry, I’ll never do that again. Anyways, the bosses range from regular outlaws gone fat, to a guy riding an armored horse in black leather with bondage gear, a fat Mexican with a death wish, to the final boss. A fruity Frenchman. I’m not going to spoil anything else however.

To properly sum it all up, Sunset Riders is an amazing game that is one of the best damn shoot-’em-up games ever. What other game allows you to blast twins, Frenchmen, Indians, outlaws, and entire trains? This game is easily addictive and it allows you to procrastinate. The next time you think about trying a game out, think of this! It was also released on the SNES and Genesis if memory serves, so if you don’t have access to this, there’s other alternatives. The game is unique and virtually unheard of, which shocks me. However, I’m still not forgiving the game for giving me a broken arm after sliding on marinara sauce that was in front of the machine. It reminds me why I don’t like marinara sauce on breadsticks.