If you don’t use Windows, you can stop reading here.

Over the past couple of weeks a virus known as the Conficker, Downadup or Kido worm has been multiplying at an alarming rate. A recent headcount shows it at around 9.5 million infected computers. A botnet that size could probably bring an end to the internet.

No, I’m exaggerating.

However, it’s not all terribly bad. Just as with all epidemics, virtual or real, all that is necessary are precautions. If a friend comes over and wants to plug his key into your machine (No, that was not a euphemism), ask him how his internet’s been recently, and if it’s been acting slower than usual. This a symptom of the worm abusing his internet connection for it’s own ends — See: infecting more people.

Now, I’m sure you’re tired of my rambling and you want me to make the pain go away, right? Well – for those of you that have Windows Automatic Updates turned off, turn them on. The main update you’re looking for (If you want to prioritise.. or just to turn the darn thing off ASAP) is KB958644. Find it, install it – and you’re safe. For the most part. If someone comes and plugs in their USB Key you are still susceptible to it.

For those of you that have got it or fear you may have it, it’s nearly invisible. It only leaves one or two trademarks and those being

• A slower internet connection and/or consistently using bandwidth. If you suspect something, close all unnecessary processes and download a bandwidth monitoring program.
• Automatic Updates suddenly being turned off and disabled.

If you suspect you are infected and are experiencing the symptoms, try this first.

If you are infected, a logical course of action would be reformat. Back up onto a external hard drive (but absolutely NO autorunning files.), and reinstall Windows anew on a formatted hard drive. Once everything is kosher, you can try taking your data from the external hard drive. If you notice the symptoms appearing again then you’ll have to start over. This time, with no backup.