The Tales series has always been one that I looked suspiciously at, not because it’s a japanese RPG (jRPG) series but for more on how it plays. The first Tales game I played was Tales of Symphonia on the Gamecube, and to be honest I didn’t enjoy it too much. It wasn’t that the game was bland or bad, it was that the characters of the game were annoying and unlikeable, at least in my eyes. Fast forward probably about 4 years later and I find Tales of Vesperia.  I see the title and I figure why not at least try it, because games in a series can improve from their predecessors.

The first thing I can tell you right off the bat is that the game is well made and quite beautiful to look at. The characters are cell-shaded (although that is the tradition in the 3D Tales games), and the landscapes are artistic, colourful, and quite pleasing.
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Continuing with my vaguely vitriolic rantings that might interest perhaps a handful of people: Xenosaga.

For some reason I was incredibly excited when Xenosaga was announced. I was in high school at that time, going through that phase where yes, bizarre esoteric philosophy really is the bomb (I was a nerd if you couldn’t already tell). Looking back on this I’ll be damned if I can figure out why, because the spiritual forebearer to this game, Xenogears, was arguably the most convoluted game I have ever played, both game play- and story-wise.

But that’s not my point. My point is Xenosaga. Going into it I probably knew immediately something was amiss. Why is that? Well, allow me to answer my own question with a question. Successful stories tend to make sense, don’t they? Because it’s about two hours in and I STILL HAVE NO CLUE WHAT IS HAPPENING. All I know is people are saying words (most are made up, I later checked) about… Something. I guess it was supposed to sound like a bunch of scientists in the future talking about future-stuff, but all it accomplished was confusing the hell out of me.

That’s pretty much par for the course of the entire game, though. Lots and lots of references to the Zohar and stuff like that, which even one glance of the associated Wikipedia page can tell that it’s definitely not something I want to even hear from, really.
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Presumably ‘The Outfoxies’ refers to the act of out foxing one’s opponent, which I suppose makes some sense. The rest of this game…less so. A bit of a lost gem, The Outfoxies was created by Namco in 1994. Presumably fueled by sackloads of narcotics bought with the profits Ridge Racer brought in. Long before Super Smash Brothers heralded a new breed of super-competitive console gamer this was a title which, if anything, was an even more mad-capped take on the 2D fighter genre.

The gameplay is essentially a 2D predecessor to the likes of Power Stone and Super Smash Brothers. You enter a series of one-on-one fights to the death against various opponents including a top-hatted chimp named Dweeb, two Children Of The Corn-esque blonde children, a circus freak and her pet lizard and a wheelchair bound professor. The inappropriateness of some of the characters is what makes the game so odd. Maybe it’s just me, but shooting a pair of kids in the face with a machine gun just seems wrong. Ah yes, the weapons though. You start each round unarmed and with only your puny

Yes, that's a whale.

fists as protection. It won’t take you long to find something more destructive though, as the multi-tiered arenas are littered with a multitude of items with which to inflict pain. These vary from swords, grenades and rocket launchers to pies, barrels and lumps of coal (found on the steam train level).

The arenas themselves are also of note, with each one featuring destructible scenery. Ceilings collapse, walls break, pipes explode leaving new areas and weapons exposed. Knowing how to use the scenery to your advantage is as important as anything in this game. Conveyor belts, trapeze artists, even sharks feature in the various stages and can be used to your advantage or peril.

It’s difficult to fully encapsulate how bizarre this game is in words alone. It’s also quite well polished and a real blast with two players. Above all else, this game is just plain fun. It’s a real shame The Outfoxies never found its way onto a home console. It would certainly make a welcome addition to WiiWare/XBLA/PSN, with added online multiplayer. Sadly that’s about as likely as being attacked by a knife wielding primate. Do yourself a favour and hunt it down. If nothing else, it has a monkey in it.