MMORPG = Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game. 

I don’t see the word “dating” in the above acronym.

Before I continue, let me get something straight first: I don’t have any complaints about people hooking up through online games per se. That’s cool; you managed to bump into someone who shares the same interests as you (as do a bazillion other people, no doubt), and it’s way better to meet someone who at least shares your interests than meeting someone from a random bar, or a dating site.

If you could help it, though, it’s best to steer clear from checking out that cute pally in your guild.

Online romance is inevitable, but nonsensical

The concept of having in-game relationships is already inevitable, thanks to the boom of cyber-romance in the past decade. It’s not entirely a bad thing – after all, one of the biggest draws in online gaming is the forging of friendships and alliances between gamers who roleplay as knights, archers, magicians, etc. Of course, this also includes romantic relationships.

However, should the quest for romance be one of the main reasons of playing online games? The common consensus – or just plain common sense – may probably dictate a big fat NO. Problem is, common sense does not always prevail, and players wooing fellow gamers online is already an everyday affair. Some of them even make a career out of it.

Most of the time in online gaming relationships, you haven’t seen the other person aside from receiving a couple of pictures whose authenticity could not even be proven, save for meeting IRL – and even that isn’t foolproof. I’ve seen men who ask their sisters or girlfriends to act as the pilots of their female avatars, and they themselves usually tag along as “chaperones” to make sure their accomplices act in character.

I am aware that I’m painting online romances in a somewhat negative light, and I should; aside from dating those who you already met IRL, it doesn’t make sense to pursue a relationship with someone whom you do not know, assuming that you haven’t met yet in person. You may say “but I like her for what she is!” The question is, is the person who you met and fell in love with in an online game truly real? 

Can’t trust ‘em girls…and pseudo-girls

Let me go off-tangent a bit.

It’s a tried and tested theory that when you opt to play a female character, other players will tend to be more patronizing or generous towards you, generally speaking.

In many instances I have found myself to be on the receiving end of such contrived generosity, especially back when I was still starting out in my first online game, Ragnarok Online (yes, I went there). 

My first ever character, created six years ago, was an archer with a maxed out Str attribute – don’t laugh, RO players – and being the clueless ditz I was back then I began to ask other players how to this or that. Most of the time I got help, and some even went so far as to accompany in my quests. I would have thought that their virtual kindness stemmed from…well, being kind, if it weren’t for the fact that they asked for personal information almost each and every time I asked for help.

Eventually I got sick and tired of that annoying trend, and it never failed to grate on my nerves: the player who, upon meeting a female character in-game, know nothing else to do aside from asking for “her” contact details. The players who seem to have the annoying non-word “asl?” hotkeyed, ready to be pressed upon seeing a nubile virtual princess prance along gaily in the fields of god-knows-where. The player who, upon refusal to give him personal details or contact information, will then harrass the female character about not having a vagoo.

Apparently, men caught on as well, and decided to advantage of the male’s innate desire to be immensely gallant and generous towards females. Most of them took to roleplaying as girls, charming equipment off every eligible virtual bachelor they see. Some even go so far as to use voice changers and modified their voices to keep the illusion even in Skype, Vent, or TeamSpeak. 

See where I’m getting at?

Here’s the tl;dr version of this part of my article – every time you communicate with your online beloved, try to imagine an unwashed, topless man living in a basement controlling the virtual apple of your eye, laughing and smirking all the while professing “her” love for you.

Yes, it is a crass over-generalization, but it helps to keep this fact in proper perspective: you do NOT know who your online sweetheart really is. Sure, things may turn out for the better and the girl you’ve been raiding with all this time may be a Felicia Day, but are you willing to gamble your sanity and dignity over pixellated hormones?

I hate Felicia Day

While I don’t have any personal hate for Ms Day (she’s awfully cute, I’ll give her that), I hate her Asylum interview that also happened to be featured in Kotaku. In the article titled “Felicia Day Explains How to Meet Girls in World of Warcraft,” Felicia gives advice on how to snag the hearts of girl WoW players. Some of her tips include:

If you’re a noob you probably won’t get a second glance. Just like in real life when a guy drives a Ferrari, it might not be an automatic thumbs up, but it does catch the eye. So if you have the Ferrari of broadswords, yeah. 

One of the things that make online relationships different from real-life ones is that the boundaries that separate the rich and the not-so-rich (as long as they can pay for the games and broadband connection), the whites from the colored, and pretty much other distinctions are not only blurred, they are blotted out altogether. However, Felicia’s ‘tip’ somehow defeats that ideology with implying that your character has to be draped in legendary equipment to catch attention. 

But I didn’t mention Felicia because of her opinions. I mentioned her because I hate the fact that the interview existed in the first place, further reinforcing the annoying trend of male players constantly seeking the attention and affection of their female counterparts. Nay, the existence of the interview practically tells people that the whole affair is awwrriiight and no one finds fault in it.

No love for me

By now, you would probably want to tell me that I should just use a male character when playing online games. Sure, that worked, until one of my former guilds decided to use TeamSpeak during guild wars. No, I cannot be bothered with using voice changers and risk lagging my already clunky machine. That, regrettably, is only a short-term solution, even if it worked.

I realize that I am ranting against an established social contruct that happened to be reflected on online games, but please, next time you see a cute female character, just try to see her as that character and that character only – do not talk to her as a female player playing an online game. Chances are that you would just be disappointed in the long run, and it would her good to be spared from the usual “asl plz” lines.